Auburn’s Delusions of Grandeur

Living in South Florida has afforded me a real appreciation for the spirit of Alabama football, and of football in the South as a whole. Fans down here love their teams, but don’t necessarily support them when they’re not winning the way we do in sweet home Alabama. Few fanbases immerse themselves in all things associated with the team 365 days a year the way Alabama and Auburn fans do, regardless of the on field success.

Florida State fans are a perfect example. They had two great recruiting classes and were actually ranked in the top five when pre-season polls came out. Suddenly FSU fans in my area came out of the woodwork, and I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing or seeing someone declaring allegiance to the mighty Seminoles. However, after losses to Oklahoma, Wake Forest, Clemson and Virginia you would be hard pressed to see anyone doing the tomahawk chop in public, or declaring that FSU was back.

The point is that, as a whole, their fans understand where the team is relative to national pecking order and have a somewhat realistic view of their prospects. And then there are the barners.

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Auburn fans are a paranoid, delusional bunch that wouldn’t know reality if it bit them on the ass. In their deluded minds, everything bad that has ever happened to Auburn can be traced back to Tuscaloosa. They insist we are out to get them and we will not stop until we do. To hear them tell it, Alabama pays referees to call the game our way; we spy on them; we set them up and frame them all the time.

On the face of it, the very idea of a school such as Alabama – a nationally-known and respected football program with a rich tradition – obsessing over an in state rival that has never been relevant on the national level is utterly ridiculous. The position the barners take becomes even more pitiful when you get out of Alabama and try explaining it to a fan of some other school. They can’t comprehend it.

In honor of Hate Week I’ve been surfing the Auburn message boards in search of some material to use as examples of just how delusional barners are, and to get a few laughs.

They think those Toomers oak trees are made of gold and believe we want to roll them after the game, so this guy just had to warn all his “brothers,” and sounds a little mad about it:

"rolling Toomers after they beat us this weekend. IF they win, I would not be surprised if several of thier POS fans try to roll the trees. That could get really ugly if it happens and will almost certainly result in multiple fights breaking out. IF they win and IF they try to roll Toomer’s after the game, I would hope that Jay Jacobs and the AU administration does whatever it takes to cancel the series for good. I am sick and tired of being associated with those inbred a**holes and that would be enough for me. support putting an end to the “rivalry” all together."

This little barner believes Alabama stole their offensive signals, and that’s how our defense dominated their offense in the first half of last years game.

"I don’t guess it that’s big of a deal that they stole the signals… it’s the fact they were able to break the code. How’d they get it? Who knows. From what I understand it was a pretty complex system. But when we started using runners…the game completely turned around…especially offensively for AU."

Now for an Iron Bowl prediction from a random Aubarn fan forum. I merely picked one of many random game predictions and I’m sure it will explain the extent of delusion from which the barners suffer.

"Run the ball with our talented backs on the perimeter and get them in space. Bama’s defense is physical but slow and this is the only way I see us winning but I think 40 points will be scored…30-10  is my honest opinion.”"

I have a friend that is an Aubie. He’s like a brother to me and surprisingly enough is as smart as anyone you’ll mmet about many subjects, including football. When the subject turns to Auburn, I stop right there. We don’t discuss anything further because he then loses his rational cognitive thought process and goes straight barnyard.

We were talking a few weeks ago about the NFL, college and the Heisman. He made very insightful observations and assessments like always; even towards Trent Richardson and the fact that he’s the best back in football. Then the inevitable happened. I screwed up and said, “So what are you guys gonna do about that horrid defense?” His honest answer was, “We’ll be ok, that defense won a title and Chizik is in control.” I followed that up by reminding him that last year’s defense gave up more points than any Aubie defense in thirty years. To which he replied, “Chizik is the best defensive mind college football has seen in thirty years.” That was it. Conversation over; no need to even try and redirect the subject or continue on.

Barners are as delirious as they come. The rivalry is as fierce as it has ever been and the inferiority that Barn fans suffer from is at an all-time high this year. Auburn is on the verge of having one of the worst post-national title seasons ever, and to make matters worse, Alabama is on their way to it’s second appearance in three years.

It’s gonna be a fun Saturday to be a Tide fan in Auburn.