The Crimson Tide Fan’s Guide to Surviving the Offseason: Part 1

The next three weeks should be exciting — with bowl season underway, Christmas and New Year’s just around the corner and some much needed time away from the office.

After Jan. 9, however we face a frightening menace: the college football offseason.

It is dreadfully depressing on its own merit, the offseason, but by beginning in January and February the short gray days and long, cold nights make it additionally cruel.

But we are here to help. The following is a reference to help steer Crimson Tide fans through the wilderness of the offseason and try to make it as painless as possible. Of course, a victory Jan. 9 in the Superdome would make that exponentially easier.

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January

The first nine days of the month will be consumed with bowl games not involving our beloved Crimson Tide, the buildup to the BCS National Championship Game and finally, the game itself. After that glorious night, however, we are faced with 22 more days in the month. How do we cope? Like methadone to a heroin addict, we shouldn’t go cold turkey. So we turn to the NFL.

For some of us this will be easy if we have a favorite team, especially if that team is in the playoffs. For others such as myself, this is more difficult. I don’t pay much attention to pro football. Sure, I’ll watch if it’s on, but I don’t plan my Sundays around it. This is due to my growing up a Cincinnati Bengals fan, finally hitting my breaking point and declaring myself an NFL widower because of the never-ending futility.

I thought about becoming a Panthers fan since I live in Charlotte, but then they go and draft quarterbacks from Notre Dame and Auburn, so that’s out of the question. The NFL season should get us to early February to prevent withdrawal. Also, in January, we office drones get MLK day so I recommend a weekend trip to start your year off right.

February

With 2012 being a leap year, the football gods have thrown an additional day of offseason at us (as if it wasn’t bad enough already). The NFL season means that there is no tackle football of any kind for longer than I care to discuss. Fortunately we still have a few options available. The English Premier League will still be going strong, so for those that can stomach soccer I recommend adopting a team. I adopted Liverpool as my EPL team of choice last year because they are on Fox Soccer Channel quite a bit, not located in London, have a rich tradition of championships much like Alabama, and are the hometown of the Beatles.

If soccer isn’t palatable to you, perhaps politics is more to your liking. Primary season will be in full swing this month, so the Republican candidates will attack each other incessantly and bloviate about inane policy issues. There is a slim chance we could see a nominee chosen by month’s end, so we could potentially have Candidate X vs. Barack Obama in the ‘who loves big government more’ contest, fighting over who will do the best job of rewarding the special interest cronies that fund their campaigns. Unless Ron Paul wins, of course. February also has a three-day weekend, so a quick trip is always a good option.

March

March should be one of the least unbearable months of the wretched offseason thanks to the NCAA basketball tournament. Even for those that aren’t huge basketball fans, it is safe to assume that just about everyone enjoys filling out a bracket and embracing the gambling aspect of the tournament. Even if it is just a $5 office pool, the prospect of winning the pot undoubtedly makes one watch much more of the game action than under non-gambling circumstances.

Unless you live in a ridiculously cold location, the end of March should also provide opportunities to do more outside. I recommend signing up for a triathlon in late summer/early fall, which makes late March perfect for beginning to run and bike outdoors. Also in March is St. Patrick’s Day, so we can all embrace our inner Irishman and get blindingly drunk on Guinness and green beer.

Coming next week: Part 2, April-June