BanditRef: Aubren Kat's Letter To The Fambly

Hai Aubren Fambly,

Aubren Kat come back at Aubren’s darkest hour with warning and wisdomz. I basically Auburn Gandalf.

Aubren Kat know life hard right now on Aubren fambly, but that no reason to leave stadium.  The last time Aubren Kat fambly leave, Aubren Kat end up at the pound.

Aubren Kat does not want to see Gene Chizik put to sleep.  I noes things hard but we must look at sunny side, the treez doing much better with no one throwing toilet paper all over dem.

Der are rumors that Trooper Taylor is not allowed out of the house after dark anymore.  I is going to put those to rest.  Trooper Taylor is not being kept from de recruitment of de young impressionable gang memberz.  Trooper Taylor is on super important spy with towel mission.  He haz been sent to see why wearing your hat backwards when you are over the age of 30 make you look like big huge douchecanoe.

Rumorzez continue to flow dat head of fambly and preacher Gene Chizik is going to be fired. Dis is just cray cray. Gene Chizik be our coach and we stand by him, until we are instructed to do otherwise.  Besides Gene Chizik not leave because he is fired, but because he start family radio channel predicting the end of the worldz.  Gene Chizik and his wife Kookoo will be traveling the country in an RV telling people to pray about football lest they allow Armageddon to start.

Aubren play the mighty New Mexico State …  Aubren Kat be honest, Aubren Kat know nothing about New Mexico State except that if Aubren lose to dem then Aubren Kat will get high on Kat nip and commit murder suicide of Aubie the tiger.

Evil Alabama play LSU.  Aubren Kat will be rooting for LSU because dey may be our last hope of seeing Alabama lose.  Aubren fans everywhere know that “the enemy of my enemy is who I root for, because my team impotent wreck.”. Aubren Kat so into rooting for LSU dat he may smoke some of dees weeds LSU players so fond of.  Aubren Kat’s yard have lots of weeds anyway, and it be good to be rid of dem.

Dat just about everything Aubren Kat have to say dis week.  If you start feeling down just remember dat Aubren Kat always be here for you, like Robert Earl Keen and huffing gasoline.

Love,

Aubren Kat

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