I come before you today not just as a bandit of refs but as a man on a mission. That mission is to fight cancer and grow an awesome beard. Furthermore, today I am offering you an opportunity to join me in this most glorious of pursuits.
There are two things every man should do in his life, help others and grow a beard.
– Bandit Ref
BEARDVEMBER is for the most manly of men, so if you have doubts about your manhood, turn back now. Peach-fuzzed girly men need not apply.
BEARDVEMBER is a simple endeavor:
STEP 1: Swear off shaving for the month formerly known as November.
STEP 3: When asked by friends, family, and intrigued females about your beard tell them you are growing it to fight cancer and direct them here: SEC BEARDVEMBER to make a donation.
STEP 4: Bask in the glory and manliness of your beard and all you have accomplished for others.
Men, this is obviously a great time, but it also helps a vitally important charity. This year we are supporting the Be The Match Foundation, which helps patients with cancer and blood disorders find the marrow donors they desperately need. Your beard is going to quite literally save lives.
We have three goals for BEARDVEMBER 2012:
1. Fight cancer and help the Be The Match Foundation
2. Encourage SEC camaraderie
3. Grow awesome beards
We can and will achieve all of these goals, but I can’t do it alone; I need your help. I know some of you may not have grown a beard before, and that’s okay. It really isn’t hard to do, as long as you own a Y chromosome.
Some of you may have women in your life who don’t want you to grow a beard. Show them the pictures of the folks you are helping and they will relent; trust me. In fact, I would be willing to bet that they will be pleasantly surprised at how they feel about you with a manly beard.
You still need more convincing? Look at this list of men with beards and try to imagine any of them being that awesome without a beard:
- Chuck Norris
- Kimbo Slice
- Kenny Rogers
- Uncle Sam
Do you want to argue with any of these men? No, you don’t. So swear off shaving and go take that week one picture right now. Do it now, and make me and Ron Swanson proud.
As an added bonus, if we beat last year’s total of $5000 in donations, I am going to reveal my true bearded identity. Oh the suspense this creates! [Squeal!]
If you’re not very beardy, or aren’t of the beard-growing gender, but would like to make a donation to BEARDVEMBER please do so here.
Your bearded compadre,