BanditRef: Dale is an Auburn Patriot


Do you know Tammy from the Paul Finebaum show? Dale is my Tammy. Sometimes we email. I decided to email Dale about the big Auburn win and the election, it went as well as expected.

Writers Note: I have removed some of the more racist colorful remarks from Dales emails as they contributed nothing and would only serve to offend.

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Hi Buddy!

Long time no talk, I just wanted to check and see if you were celebrating the big win!

Your Bud,

Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

NOW YOUR BAMMER TREE WANTS TO BE BUDS CAUSE YOU KNOW WE GOT A QB BUT NO SUCKIN UP NOW IM GONNA GIVE YOU TREE WHEN WE BEAT YOUR BAMMER TREE 

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Oh don’t I know it.  It’s obvious that if your QB plays well against New Mexico State then he will play well against Alabama.  Alabama’s defense and New Mexico State’s defense are Twinkies, kind like you and I are Twinkies.

Your Twinkie,
Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

I AINT NOTHIN LIKE YOU BAMMER I AM A GOOD SOUTHERN AUBURN MAN AND YOU ARE SOME GAY TREE WHO IS KILLING AMERICA YOU PROBABLY VOTED FOR OBAMA CAUSE YOUR A GOD TREEM SON OF A TREE WHO WOULD VOTE FOR TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE TREE LIKE HIM CAUSE ALL YOU GAY TREE STICK TOGETHER YOU BAMMERS ARE THE REASON THAT TREE TREE TREE WON

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

You seem a little upset, did you not want Obama to win the election? I would think an Auburn man would love Obama. He has promised to help animal rights causes and there is nothing closer to an Auburn mans heart than his deep non-platonic love for animals.

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

TREE OSAMA AND THE REST OF THOSE TREEING TREES I HATE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM OSAMA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH AUBURN EVERYONE IN AUBURN HATES OSAMA AND WANTS TO SEE HIM DEAD BUT I WOULD TAKE HIM IF I GET A WIN AT BAMMER AND GET TO BEAT YOUR TREE CAN BAMMER TREE

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Really? Good thing Osama is dead since everyone at Auburn wants him dead.  You should go out and tell folks the news.

This just in,

Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

HE AINT DEAD HE JUST WON YOU TREEING TREE IDIOT BAMMER YOU DONT NOW NOTHING YOU JUST ACT LIKE YOU KNOW SOMETHING I CANT WAIT TILL AUBURN KICKS YOU IN THE TREE AND I CANT WAIT TILL AMERICA KICKS OSAMA IN THE TREE EVERYONE AROUND HERE HATES HIS GUTS

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

In Lee county Obama (I assume you are talking about Obama) got 21,410 votes.  There can’t be that many more people in Lee county than that.  What if all your neighbors are for Obama?

Wannabe Nate Silver,

Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

THAT IS BULLTREE THIS WHOLE ELECTION WAS RIGGED JUST LIKE THE BAMMER LSU GAME WAS RIGGED TREE YOU TREE OSAMA AND TREE BAMMER YOU ARE ALL NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF CHEATING LIESING LADY TREES OF THE NIGHT

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

I had no idea the Bama – LSU game was rigged.  But it does make total sense now.  I mean it had to be rigged for LSU for LSU to have played that well against Bama.  I’m so glad you told me that the only reason LSU got so close was because they were cheating.  You really do love Alabama huh?

Sweet Home,

Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

YOU GODTREE TREE IDIOT BAMMER I MEAN BAMMER CHEATED YOU ARE SO STUPID I SWEAR IF I EVER FIND YOU I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU TILL YOU START THINKING I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD BE AN OBAMABOT TOO YOU SONE OF A TREE GAY TREE

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

OMG Obama is a robot? THE PRESIDENT IS A ROBOT, SO SCARY!

hold me,

Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

NOT HIM PEOPLE WHO LIKE HIM ARE OBAMABOTS YOU DUMBTREE I AN GOING TO TREE YOU GAY TREE TREE WITH AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Everyone who likes Obama is a robot? OMG, YOU ARE SURRONDED BY 21,000 ROBOTS! RUN DALE!  I don’t want to lose you now that you have professed your love for me.

stay strong my love,

Bandit

 

From: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To: Me

YOU ARE SO SUCH A STUPID TREE BAMMER GAY TREE I HOPE OTHER BAMMERS KNOW HOW DUMB YOU MAKE THEM LOOK I BET UPDIKE IS SMARTER THAN YOUR TREE TREE I AM GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITH YOUR STUPID TREE WHEN WE BEAT YOU WITH WALLACE THAT BOY CAN PLAY AND YOU DONT HAVE ANYONE THAT CAN STOP HIM

 

From: Me

To: DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

You are so right, I bet Auburn is going to win.  You should get your hopes up really high, and tell everyone you know to do the same.  You should all bet a lot of money on the game, because what does Vegas know? Then you will all be rich and so happy after the game.  Everyone you know will be so grateful that you got them to bet on the game and make a bunch of money.  Just promise you will talk to me after your big win, OK?

your admirer,

Bandit

 

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE FIRST PERSON I TALK TO WHEN WE WE WIN I AM GOING TO TEABAG YOUR TREE TREE BAMMER TREE CAN TREE INTO THE GROUND AND MAKE YOU LIKE IT YOU SON OF A TREE BUT THAT AINT A BAD IDEA

Tags: Auburn Tigers Football