BanditRef: Aubren Kat Iron Bowl

Deer Aubren famblies,

Dis is iron bowl week.  Da real one, not one of the fake ones we have been having for weeks where we root of other teams to beat Alabama.  Dis week will be hard on all of us, as we must listen to Alabama fans talk about how great dey think Alabama is.  But we Aubren people’s know better don’t we?

Aubren fans know dat football is stupid and doesn’t matter, and that is not what a skool is supposed to be about.  Who cares who wins a silly game?  Schools are about women’s soccer and swim team.  No one cares about stupid football, basketball, baseball, academic rankings, tradition, championships, and good looking girls.  Doez things are dumb.  No one in Aubren cares one bit about football, it’s dumb and we have never cared about it, or talk about it, and 28-27.

Aubren is not scared of iron bowls, we just haz more important things to do.  Aubren has to wash hair, feed chickens, talk about 2010, plow field, comb the mule, buy anniversary gift for sheep, build a barn, talk about the trees, fire Chizik, pray to lord xenu god of footballs, and put girlfriend out to pasture.

Even doe I not going to football game, or watch it on Tee Vee, I know Aubren will win.  We haz da element of surprise, in fact it such a long shot that we win that we even have da element of surprise on ourselves.  Dat happens a lot though, I surprise myself everyday wit my good grammars and speling.

Someone suggested dat we should remember de Aubren creed.  So I went to Walmart and bought creed CD, but I don’t know when dey start singing about Aubren.   Creed is a good analogy for Aubren doe.  Scott Stapp used to be super Christian just like Chizik. Stapp took a band that should never have had any success, because dey gawd awful, and somehow made dem hit.  Den a couple years later everyone wised up, realized Creed awful, and dey went into free fall. Now Scott Stapp work at Office Max.  Dis story is like looking into crystal magic eight-ball and seeing music version of Gene Chizik.

So in the famous words of Scott Stapp:

“Yeahhhhhh remember doves look love yeahhhhh my torment [guitar break] yeahhhhh love like this.”

Truly dez are words to live by,

Aubren Kat

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Tags: Football

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