This week the Alabama Crimson Tide returns to the SEC Championship Game for the first time since 2009. That’s the good news.
The bad news is like many other of Alabama’s games this season, the championship game will be broadcast on CBS, which means that our ears will be assaulted by Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. The auditory torture of Verne’s stream of mispronunciations, mix-ups and outright madness is bad enough on a standalone basis, but when coupled with the smug condescension of Gary Danielson it becomes too much to bear.
Whenever our beloved Tide plays on CBS we are subjected to Verne informing us that the running back’s name is Mustard McGillicuddy and Gary becoming disgusted that the quarterback dared to release the ball at a 86 degree angle when it is painfully obvious that he should have released it at an 88 degree angle. From his commentary, one would think that Danielson won four Heisman trophies and four national championships during his time at Purdue as he nitpicks every piece of quarterback play in a manner that makes Johnny Miller of NBC golf broadcasts seem mild.
We need a strong defense against such weapons of broadcast mass destruction, so here I present the Lundquist, a potent and powerful cocktail sure to numb the senses and make Uncle Verne’s descent into senility a bit more tolerable.
- 1 part light rum
- 1 part dark rum
- 1 part tequila blanco
- 1 part tequila oro
- 1 part triple sec
- 2 parts pineapple juice
- 3 parts Sprite
- 1 maraschino cherry
- Combine alcohols and pineapple juice with ice into a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously
- Pour into a glass (preferably chilled) and add ice
- Add the Sprite and stir
- Garnish with maraschino cherry
- Try not to black out
These can be extremely dangerous so I don’t recommend consuming more than one, unless you start having flashbacks of Tracy Wolfson and the Cammy Cam Juice, then all bets are off. Enjoy responsibly and Roll Tide.