“The only things certain in life are death and taxes,” was one of Ben Franklin’s more famous quotes. I say “was,” because after what we’ve seen following Alabama’s last three BCS Championship victories, his quote obviously needs to be amended. “The only things certain in life are death, taxes and excuses for why the Alabama Crimson Tide won the national championship.”
Of course, it all started with the classic “If Colt hadn’t gotten hurt,” after Alabama’s 37-21 win over Texas in Pasadena for the Tide’s first national championship with Nick Saban. Colt McCoy was knocked out of the game by Marcell Dareus in the first quarter, and freshman Garrett Gilbert was thrown into action.
Never mind that Texas had absolutely no answer for Mark Ingram or Trent Richardson, and that Alabama had the best defense in college football. If Colt hadn’t got hurt, Texas would have been your 2009 BCS National Champions.
In 2011, Alabama didn’t even deserve to play in New Orleans. They lost to LSU 9-6 in Bryant-Denny Stadium earlier in the season, and granting them a rematch was nothing more than SEC bias. Big-12 Champion Oklahoma State should have played LSU instead.
Never mind the fact that Oklahoma State lost to 6-6 Iowa State, or that Alabama absolutely mauled LSU in the rematch. If it wasn’t for SEC bias, either LSU or Oklahoma State would have been hoisting the crystal pigskin at season’s end.
And now, we have the best excuse ever from Heisman runner-up Manti Te’o. His girlfriend, whom he never once met in person, and who died of leukemia, was fake. Learning that news a month before the game in Miami devastated him to the point of being unable to tackle Eddie Lacy or T.J. Yeldon.
Never mind the fact that Alabama completely dominated from start to finish, winning by four touchdowns. If Manti Te’o was in the right state of mind, his sheer heart and leadership would have been enough to overcome the obvious disparity in talent and coaching. You just can’t measure the intangibles of Te’o.
This got BamaHammer writer Robert Cooper and I thinking. What’s going to be the excuse of the team Alabama beats in the BCS Championship game next year? We are getting ahead of the curve on this one. So, here are the fan excuses of the top contenders to meet Alabama in Pasadena, after they got processed.
“We would have won, but our new head coach Houston Nutt just wasn’t ready for the primetime. You would have never beat us with ‘ol Chip Kelly on the sidelines. Nick didn’t want none of Chip, everyone knows that.”
“We would have won if Urban wouldn’t have started having chest pains in the locker room at halftime. It was only a four touchdown deficit. If he could have made his halftime adjustments, we totally would have come back and won.”
“If our players hadn’t had to study so hard for finals in mid-December, we would have won. It’s not our fault we have higher academic standards than Alabama.”
“We would have won if Johnny Footbaw hadn’t been out drinking the night before the game. He was carrying his Heisman trophy around and using it to pick up women at bars. One of their boyfriends got jealous and beat him up. Obviously the whole thing was set up by Nick Saban.”
“We would have won if it weren’t for Manti Te’o. Teddy Bridgewater was trying to have an online relationship with someone claiming to be Katherine Webb, but he found out the night before the game that it was really Manti Te’o trying to humiliate someone else even worse than he had been. Teddy’s head just wasn’t in the game.”
“We should have won, but Dabo just cared too dadgum much about his alma mater. He felt sorry for ya’ll and let you win.”
“Steagegawrgqwessgagawssrgwgargargaessa” — Lou Holtz
“Ya’ll know that Jeremy Pruitt was a plant by Nick Saban. Word is that Pruitt went to Saban’s hotel room the night before the game and left him a copy of the playbook. No way Saban could beat FSU fair and square.”
“We would have won if Big Game Bob would have just been more focused on the game. He was too busy filming that new Extenze commercial.”
“You know we would have won if Case McCoy hadn’t got hurt.”