Auburn Zen: Ramone Jerdun - A Spy is Born

In the spring of 1973, just after the glorious”Punt Bama Punt” victory, a shadowy cabal of Auburn Men gathered at a hunting lodge on the outskirts of Lee County, Alabama, to found a new, secret organization.

The Bear Bryant Terror was at its height, and these men of vision realized that unless Auburn engaged in an active, shadow war against its enemies foreign and domestic, all they — and the noble scholars at the school — had worked for would be lost, plunging civilization into another dark age, made all the more perverted by the stomach-churning (and seemingly endless) successes of their Crimson-clad rivals to the north.

Thus was founded the Auburn Intelligence Institute — known today (for reasons only understood by Auburn fans) as A2. This clandestine organization travels the globe fighting unheralded battles against evil forces who would bring Auburn to her knees if left unchecked.

Auburn University has repeatedly denied the existence of the A2 organization. Likewise, it denies the existence of a highly-trained master spy known as “Agent Double Eagle,” or “Ramone Jerdun.”

Auburn does admit, however, that a “Ramone Jerdun” was enrolled in Auburn University for a time — but did not graduate. The school maintains that Jerdun was killed in a tragic 1998 accident involving some Red Man chewing tobacco, a crossbow and a bass boat. According to a recent statement issued by the school:

“Ramone Jerdun was a student at Auburn University for a time — but he did not graduate. But then he got killed in a tragic bass boat accident in 1998 while chewing some Red Man and trying to shoot a Natural Lite beer can with a crossbow. So he’s dead now and we didn’t fake his death so he couldn’t possibly be some sort of undercover secret agent nobly fighting Auburn’s enemies under a cloak of darkness. Because, first of all, we’re Auburn University and we don’t have any enemies (although a certain, deranged school to the northwest of here seems to consider us enemies for reasons we don’t really understand). And besides the very idea of a Noble Institute of Higher Learning such as Auburn University using spies and an intelligence agency to do battle with anyone is so laughable to be, um, laughable in the extreme. And also, we’re like Churchill and the British in 1940 and other people are like Nazis. You know who we’re talking about.”

Stay tuned, dear reader, for further tales of the shadowy figure known as… Ramone Jerdun.

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