The quest to learn more about NFL Combine sensation Leon Sandcastle has reached a fevered pitch in recent days, with everyone from NFL Network’s Ian “Pass Me The Stepstool” Rapaport (@RapSheet on the Twitter gimmick) to the Piedmont Gazette digging into Sandcastle’s past to glean more information.
Not us here at Auburn Zen World HQ (just off Wire Road, turn left at the big ol’ briar patch and proceed until you smell “it” …) WE know more about Sandcastle than anyone …
Because he played his college ball at AUBURN!
That’s right, Weegleites. We can finally let the secret out of the bag. That joker we dressed up as “Cam Newton” was actually Leon Sandcastle dabbling in offense during our magical romp to the 2010 BCS National Championship.
The Sandcastle Family didn’t want their baby boy’s incredible athletic prowess and freak-like speed to become widely known before it was time for young Leon to “get paid” in the pros (as opposed to how much we paid him to come to this Pat Dye-forsaken cesspool in the first place). They negotiated a one-year “deal” in exchange for complete anonymity, that we never use Leon on defense, and that any “donation” Leon might receive go directly to the church of his choosing.
Naturally, this explains a few things about the actual Cam Newton now looking suddenly human in Carolina. Bereft of Leon Sandcastle playing his on-field stunt double, poor Cammy Cam Juice might not actually be able to hang in the pros after all.
And now that Leon Sandcastle (follow his Prime greatness all the Time at @leonsandcastle on the Twitter gimmick) is poised to shake Roger Goodell’s hand *again*, we have a feeling he is the new Man to hold the Bag for The Gus Bus and the Weegle Nation!
Yuck Fou, Bammers.
P.S.: Ear Wagle!
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