"My girlfriend's too sexy for me!"

Auburn Zen: Bammer's QB will be the ruination of Bammer

“My girlfriend’s too sexy for me!” Photo Credit: Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Unlike 99 percent of you Bammers, your humble ZenMaster has been in the presence of Joe Willie Namath a time or two – and have in fact shared a conversation with No. 12 – which leads us to the following conclusions …

1. AJ McCarron will never be Joe Namath.

2. McCarron’s seeming pursuit of Namath’s off-field legacy will be the ruination of the Bammer Nation.

Now, before you start balling up your 14 national championship flags (any Bammer worth their salt never claims 1941’s Houlgate farce, anyway …) and start hurling them toward Lee County, hear me out.

Your quarterback has been virtually cuckholded, plain and simple. I know that is a big word, so I’ll allow you a second to look it up.

Okay, still there? Katherine Webb – all along a Weegle Spy – has not only successfully been microfilming McCarron’s playbook after she drains him of his vital juices, she has also succeeded in the secondary goal of stealing McCarron’s spotlight.

Bammers only WISH this was the last image they saw of Katherine Webb. Photo Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Don’t agree? Ask Brent Musburger how many times he has signed Webb’s SI Swimsuit Issue spread.

Webb has been such a media sensation that Dan Patrick THIS VERY MORNING on his national radio show asked McCarron more questions about his Awb piece of ass than he was asked about football.

That’s called WINNING, folks.

Also, McWebb has also succeeded in distracting Bammer’s QB to the point that he surely isn’t concentrating on defending the BCS national title — what with Darnell Dockett and the rest of the NFL tweeting her sweet nothings on a nightly basis. And why toil daily in the weight room and in pass skel drills when you have to worry about the entire male species spanking it to your chick?

Basically, she is college football’s Yoko Ono.

Any sane Bammer would want nothing more than for McCarron to ditch the broad ASAP and get down to business of cheating their way to another tainted national crown.

But McCarron sees stars in his eyes/Webb’s underyonder, though, so we don’t see that happening.

What we do see? A woman weakening McCarron’s legs and his ego, an 8-5 Bammer season and a mission very ably accomplished.

After all, “it” is undefeated – and that means Bammer won’t be in 2013.

P.S.: Ear Wagle!


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