AUBURN ZEN: Selena Roberts is a no-talent hack who needs to turn in her Weegle diploma!


Like the rest of Weegle Nation, we were simultaneously surprised and not surprised that the hack media again tried to take a shot at us – this time in the form of Selena Roberts (Auburn, ’88) and her hit piece asserting that we were somehow less than clean as driven snow in 2010.

HAR!

First off, what a hack this Selena Roberts is. Look at the career trajectory … From Sports Illustrated to the New York Times to some blog no one can pronounce, not less has ever heard of? Also, wasn’t she the reporter who first went after those Duke lacrosse players in 2006 – conveniently ignoring the fact (along with the DA there, naturally …) that they were NOT guilty? She also made news by dragging that poor, innocent Alex Rodriguez through the mud in 2009 with some steroid thing that was so obviously untrue that Rodriguez eventually admitted it. Or something.

In Roberts’ “story”, former Auburn safety Mike McNeil, who is scheduled for trial next week on charges of armed robbery, accuses the football program of multiple NCAA violations including academic fraud, recruiting violations and cash payments to players under then-head coach Gene Chizik.

Former Auburn players Neiko Thorpe and Mike Blanc were quoted in the story but later said Wednesday (after the trusty NTYF got a hold of them …) that their quotes were either taken out of context or flat-out wrong.

OK, let’s delve into this with some actual Auburn Zen FACTYS:

1. We don’t commit academic fraud at Auburn. Well, they did in the Sociology Department there for a while, but that was an isolated case! And that whole SACS brouhaha? Pish posh …

2. We don’t commit recruiting violations at Auburn. ESPECIALLY not those involving a star quarterback and a hefty “donation” to his father’s church. Roberts’ story talked about how, on Dre Kirkpatrick’s recruiting visit, McNeil was given $500 to party it up with the Swagmaster. NOT TRUE. Dre brought that $500 from Alabama to buy the hos and spliffs!

3. We don’t pay our players with cash at Auburn. We use pre-paid debit cards. Or the Never To Yield Foundation slides them some Euros to convert on the sly. Whatever Will Muschamp did or didn’t do is his own business.

I guess what really yanks our Weegle chains about all this is that Roberts used to BE IN THE FAMBLY. We gave her her education, dammit! Of course, she can’t go back to help her old journalism school out after uber-booster/trustee Bobby Lowder nuked the program entirely …

But she is one of us! Well, she *used* to be, anyway. Time to call in The Bagman yet again …

SIGH …

Weegle!

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Tags: Alabama Crimson Tide Football Popular

  • Devin McMusters

    You’re all a bunch of cousin-marrying inbreds down there anyway. Have some sweet tea and kiss your sister.

  • http://twitter.com/AuburnZen AuburnZen

    Hey! What’s wrong with sweet tea and a smooch with the ol’ sister? :)

  • Gump

    Yeah….Y’all need to leave Aubarn alone. They are the cleanest program this side of Notre Dame. So stop picking on the Weegles. We all know that Scam picked Aubarn over Miss State and Mullen because he really didn’t like Mullen or his wife when they were both at Florida. That and he drank the Aubarn Kool-Aid and recited the Aubarn Creed. It was all clean and above board. Not like the Bammer players selling their text book allotments for a couple of hundred bucks so they could go out with a filly and sow some oats. They should have gotten the Death Penalty for that. Wonder if Cecil Newton got the 15 or 20 year warranty on the roof for his Church?