Two men were arrested Monday in the Mount Washington neighborhood of Pittsburgh, Penn. at a house owned by former Steeler and University of Alabama DB Deshea Townsend.
The police said Townsend is not involved, and that 1,500 bricks of heroin (75,000 stamped bags,) were reportedly seized, along with 16 firearms, $100K in cash and jewelry, two cars, Cuban cigars and a live chicken.
This story has everything you’d expect from a big-time drug bust. A laughable amount of drugs that has you asking, “wait, how much?” Check. Six figures in cash and jewels? Yup. What, you expect them to pay taxes on that? Along with enough guns to make a Texas militia smile and some sweet rides.
But uh, what’s with the chicken?
You could make a good argument that maybe these hardened criminals had it for underground cock fights. But I’m thinking these bros are all about that kingpin life, and can’t get their day started without some cage-free omelettes.
But I have to know, was this chicken in a cage when the cops took it away to the evidence room, or under some guy’s arm? Or better yet, carried out in one hand by its feet with its wings flapping? Because the visualization of that is fantastic.
I really hope it’s in a cage, and chained to the desk of some rookie you could convince to do his first “desk pop:”
“Hey Murphy, keep an eye on this until we figure out what to do with it.”
But did you have to take the primo smokes too? Now, you’re just being spiteful. Did you have a building inspector come take a look at some code violations and cite them for not having the lawn mowed? But I’m guessing the Crockett and Tubbs of Pittsburgh don’t spend their weekends discussing the subtle differences between Cameroon and Honduran wrappers. And I’m guessing the two guys busted have more in common with the Wet Bandits than Pablo Escobar.
It was probably pretty easy to tell they were Cubans. They were probably still in the H. Upmann box marked “Habanos” and “hecho en Cuba,” along with an autographed picture of Castro.
That’s what you call a “tell” in the law enforcement community.