BanditRef: Viva La Aubren Kat
Hai Fambly,
Aubren Kat sooooo excited about big win over school from Mexico. Aubren Kat has never been to Mexico, but if they all play football like that, den I see why they want to come to America. Everything Aubren Kat know about Mexico he learned from Three Amigos Movie, and Dora. I try asking Mexico player where Boots was, but he just gave me a dirty look, so I gave him a dose of my spanish “SWIPER NO SWIPING.” Aubren Kat know other Spanish words too, like taco, burrito, chalupa, Doritos taco, nacho supreme, pepsi, diarrhea, and cinnamon twist. Aubren Kat es muy multi-cultural.
Dis victory over the Mexicans is just what Auburn needed to get back on track, da ship is righted. On Saturday Gene Chizik went entire press conference without apologizing for team being young. Which is good, I was starting to think we were going to have to put diaper changing stations in de locker room.
Everyone so happy wit win, everyone who not a tree anyway. Does Trees getting rolled so hard, and then pressure-washed so hard. Sorry trees, now dat we back to winning ways and never lose another game, we don’t need to bring you up every 5 seconds.
Joker Phillips got asked to not come back to his job and do things he used to do anymore. Aubren Kat feel bad for him, and also Aubren Kat a little jelly. Kentucky now get first pick of coaches who would be willing to coach a flaming pile of poo rolling off a cliff. Aubren may now be behind de eight ball.
But if dis last loss ever of Gene Chizik career, den what does it matter. Many of Aubren faithful on message boards believe that dis new quarterback is second coming of Cam Newton. We may even beat Alabama with this super hero of epic proportions. After all, his performance against a Mexico team is obviously going to be the same performance he haz against Alabama. Dat is just science.
Leaving our starters in against Mexico wasn’t a mean thing to do either, we were just trying dem out against a defense that would be similar to one we face in big matchup with Alabama A&M. But it be totally diffrent if Alabama not take out starters after 1st quarter with us, den it would just be because Nick Saban evil man trying to hurt innocent Auburn victims.
Tammy from Finebaum said dis week dat she knew that Mike Slive had made a call to Les Miles and told him to lose the game. Dis make tons of sense because Mike Slive is a well known bammer. He has been SEC commish during Bama resurgence, so obviously Bama resurgence is his fault. We need to lobby to have him Joker Phillips’d and bring in a fair impartial and drunk commissioner, like Pat Dye. Maybe we should start an internet petition about it, cause those work really well.
I upset dat we lost the fake Iron Bowl dis weekend, but now we must turn our attentions to sad fake Iron Bowl part 2. We all cheer for Texas school to beat Alabama. Fake Iron Bowl is important because it give us moral victory, and nothing is more important to Auburn dan moral victory.
Turing to our upcoming opponent we look at Georgia and Mark Richt. Dis game worry me, because if there is another coach who talks about Jesus and Nick Saban being evil as much as Chizik, it be Mark Richt. I worry dat we may not have god on our side for dis one, but I have plan. I am building an Ark of da Aubren covenants just in case. Inside we keep Auburn creed, $180,000, and Bo Jackson’s toe nail clippings. Please join me in marching it around the stadium before the tiger walk and blowing trumpets. See you at “Jericho for Jesus beating Georgia” pep rally!
Love,
Aubren Kat