Auburn Football: Your Weekly Auburn Zen – Bulldog Edition

It’s that time again, where we grab our marshmallows and roasting sticks, and check in on the dumpster fire that is the Auburn message boards. A blowout loss to Georgia is in the rearview mirror, and a visit to Tuscaloosa is looming in the distance; here’s what the remaining faithful have to say. As always, spelling and grammar errors are in the originals.

"Does Gene coach our bowl game if we beat bama?"

"Been drinking every UGAy completition.. Need a ride home now"

"The Chizik Era. That will be a funny phrase to say one day. Worse than the Barfield era? Can’t fricking wait til Jimbo is here."

"Gene Chizik walked off the field at Jordan Hare Stadium last night by himself. No media, no others within 10 yards of him. Casually strolling off the field like he was going to his car after having had one too many at a wedding reception. Head down, focusing on his feet, not acknowledging the few remaining students in the SEZ that were still insistently cheering for the team that he has so thoroughly failed. That was the walk of a man who has stopped giving a damn. Lord help us if we don’t make the move…and soon."

"I’m not convinced Chizik even realizes how bad things are. I’m not sure he’s smart enough or self aware enough to understand why so many folks want to fire him. I watch his interviews and he doesn’t seem like a man having his manhood surgically removed every week and about to lose his job. He doesn’t seem nervous or worried or upset or angry or anything and never once did all season. He just seems oblivious to the situation IMO. If I was losing like this every week I would have broken so much shite and screamed at so many reporters I would have to be physically removed from press conferences. I hate losing that much. Maybe Chizik is just very accepting of losing. I don’t know. Whole damn thing defies logic."

"Our guys deserve so much better than this! I mean they are so poorly coached they look like a pee wee team playing. Its sad what chiz, jj, tj, and gogue has done to AU football."

"We hired the Iowa State coach… Now, we are the Iowa State of 5 years ago. Sad and stupid."

"If Gene is half the man everyone thinks he is he should do the honorable thing and quit and not ask for his buyout money. If he is such a “good man” then do the manly thing and just walk off. PLEASE"

"Why the F are we blowing fireworks?…to celebrate our patheticness? What’s wrong with auburn…our coaches and players should get dog cussed and beat till they can’t see straight."

"It’s a terrible thought of how badly the Iron Bowl will go this year with our team not even trying for coaches they obviously don’t like"

"if Chizik is retained not one player will be a draft pick for the foreseeable future."

"We are going to lose more recruits than Penn State and our coaches didn’t even rape anybody. In fact they got raped all season by the SEC."

"the past two blowouts put the nails in the coffin plus some dirt on top."

"On a positive side, I have developed a taste for the harder liquors this season."

"If I told you I knew a guy who gave a coach like chizik an insane buyout after a season that was squarely created by one player and a previous coaches line and justified it by saying that Texas was gonna come get him and less than two years later that coach has successfully pulled off the greatest failure in just about anyones memory. Would you tell me that person should not get a bad rap? Or are you going to quote me equestrian stats?"

"Is it bad that I believe bammer can beat us by 70 plus points and serious changes still won’t be made?"

"I’ve finally figured it out. We’ve been sandbagging all year knowing we have a great team. Our goal is to go into Tuscaloosa at 3-8 and a five touchdown underdog and upset Saban in BD leading to a massive backlash against him, causing him to be fired. Then with Saban gone we can go back to dominating this state year in and year out. It’s easily worth the one season of pain to get the midget out of TTown."

"Bama is going to beat us like we’ve never been beaten before. You think you’ve seen the bottom wait until the IB. Wouldn’t be surprised to see 50ish to 0"

"Easiest way to tell people you know nothing about football is to want Gus Malzahn as our HC"

"The thing about Malzahn and Sumlin’s offense is, if you’re going up against great defenses, you have to have an incredible QB. Cam was incredible. Manziel has been incredible so far. You’ve got to have a guy with balls the size of his helmet, is absolutely fearless and truly believes that he’s better than everyone else on the field. So the exact opposite of Frazier."

And finally, one Auburn fan cuts through the debate and sums it all up:

"Let me translate: we suck"