Auburn Football: Your Weekly Auburn Zen – Conspiracy Edition

It’s that time again, where we shine the spotlight on the folks keeping it real on the Auburn message boards. This week, the Barners are up in arms over the arrests in Tuscaloosa of four Alabama Crimson Tide football players. The tinfoil hats are out in abundance as rumors of a conspiracy spread like molasses on Eagle Brand biscuits.

"How many innocent students would have to be assaulted before updykes started to question their program and Lil Nicky? One a month, one a week? Just wondering at what level most updyke fans would say, you know I can’t pull for a group of kids like that no matter what color jersey they wear. At least our thugs were trying to get stuff back from other thugs."

"Why would bama fans care about the students on a campus that they are not even sure of the location of. Very few of them have even been to the school. That’s like asking if they care about students in Alaska."

"This is the culture you make. You take in trouble because it can equal wins and that’s all that matters. The difference is, this is still masquerading as a college athletics situation and the ones in charge are paid for wins, not peace. The university and the students pay the cost…but how many really care? Hopefully more wake up. It’s sad and college football is becoming increasingly a cesspool because of it."

"They (updykes) will never understand why we love Auburn, and why Auburn never leaves us. Auburn will win the SECCG and the BCSNC again, but will win in so many other ways they will never comprehend."

"I’d rather we return to being consistent winners as we have experienced at different periods in our football history."

"the earliest reports of the crime wave by bammer football steroid thugs all talked about them leaving in a waiting dark SUV where did this information go? has anyone even seen anything on local news about this? WHERE IS THE DARK SUV?"

"doesn’t the initial report at least deserve a follow-up in light of the Trent Richardson photos?"

"We know what happens when a young person does something eggregious at AU. And fortunately, we have rarely had anything happen with our players outside of the stupid and dangerous stunt pulled a couple of years ago."

"All Four Bammer Robbery Suspects Bonded Out By Alabama Bail Bonds, Tuscaloosa. And more specifically by bail agent Debra Johns. This only tells us who the bondsman/bonding agency was, not who paid the fee, but it does tell us that it was probably a joint effort to get these guys out as separate attempts at bail would have resulted in multiple differenet bail agents or means of securing release."

"I don’t think most of their parents could help them out without extreme measures, especially if the bonds are high. The evidence speaks for itself. That bonding company is run by hard core bammers (according to their FB pages, and they are a little too full of it also) who came to the help and aid of four spuat players who are criminals.Here is the scenario (as I see it) that $aban hopes will happen:1. Kids bailed out. (Done)2. Kids “suspended indefinitely and barred from campus a couple of weeks. (Done)3. Kids all get lawyered up with UA law grads who apply for youthful offender status. (Done)4. Judge grants youthful offender status (so there’s be no jury trial and he can impose lighter penalties). (Done, without opposition by the District Attorney)5. Kids go before the judge, who gives them a nasty lecture and sentences them to probation and community service. (Not done yet, but just wait.)6. Kids finish their community services and get bragged on by Judge for “admitting their guilt” to the police officer, rather than fib or run. He’ll also commend them on the manner in which they performed their community service. Then he’ll close the criminal files.7. At that point, $aban announces that these players acted in a manner that was unbefitting of a member of thee bammer football teaam, but they have paid their dues to society, and he believes they’ve learned their lesson. They’re back playing ball within a year or two."

"they had to get them all out so that the story of the dark suv and the player cover up could be installed. we are dealing with some corrupt people here. bottom line is……once a lie or cheating has occurred then it must be protected . the bama way. the plantation is not going to let their criminals get questioned without installing the plot. they got out sooner / faster than you or anyone one else would have been released. thats all"

"I wonder who they made their one phone call to after they were arrested? It is almost like they had been given a contact number ahead of time for just such a reason. No way you just know who to call at that time of night to get that type of responce on getting bail money."

"doesn’t really matter anyway… The entire bammer nation would be donating their welfare checks and food stamps to get there heroes out of jail."

"I will be terribly surprised if any of the 3 get any significant jail time . I think we can go ahead and count BC out of the equation . They’ll get good lawyers , even if they’re not fronting and working behind the scenes , there will be multiple continuances . Victims will be bribed , coerced , etc . A friendly judge to the Unavehsity will be found . Trust me if these guys didn’t have some goods on bama they would have already been kicked off the team for good . A lot of soft peddling going on . The message sent will be business as usual if you play for bama , no matter what kind of thuggery you may be involved in . Sad for everyone involved"

"This from a verified no B.S. source: Saban called one of the state’s top trial lawyers (and bammer boosters) in Alex City today to ask if he would represent the four accused players. I’m not going to ID the lawyer, but anyone living in the Alex City area is likely to know the guy’s name. The lawyer deferred, saying Saban would be better off hiring a lawyer in Tuscaloosa. In another footnote to this call, Saban was said to be more worried about the “stain” on his program than the damage done to the UA kids assaulted. It appears to me that these guys are not going to be just dismissed (as Chizik did our four thugs), but that Saban is actually going to try and save these 4- and 5-star recruits through the legal system in Tuscaloosa."

"You got to think the coaches are scared these thugs have dirt on the program and they need them under their control. Bama is a house of cards."

"Do you think it will ever made public that Yeldon was driving the getaway SUV?"