I Got Clemson Hate Mail
I’ve gotten my first Clemson fan hate mail and it’s everything I could have hoped it would be.
The email was titled “Clemson’s Coming”, which sounds like the title of a ACC porno. So right away the bar was set pretty high for this one.
Apparently my article on 5 reasons to hate Clemson made this young tiger mad enough to type out this response full of Carolina internet gold.
This email of orange and purple hate was a huge wall of text with no real paragraph structure, so I’ve broken it up so it’s easier to read and I could respond to each section on its own. Our angry Clemson fan is in italics and my responses are in bold. I’ll attack the original email as written at the end of this post.
Now without further adieu here’s my very first Clemson hate mail:
Good Morning Mr. Hammer Evans!
I SHALL NOW ONLY AWNSER WHEN ADDRESSED AS “MR. HAMMER”.
I hope this finds Mr. Charles Evans who wrote about the reasons Bama should hate Clemson. It seems to me (Clemson does anyway) that when you are a superior team that you don’t have to put down or even hate the opposing team.
In the ACC they don’t hate, they hug.
Guess I am wrong in that Alabama or any eSECpn bias fan has always been ignorant.
Oh my, I love the “eSECpn” because it lets us know right away we are dealing with a conspiracy theory nut job! JET FUEL CAN’T MELT SEC BIAS!
Yes, Alabama is the blueprint for College Football. Always has. Lot’s of history and I have respected Alabama for a long time. I’m not one of those that says, Oh, Alabama just cheats or they are this or that. No, I respect the history.
My favorite part of history is the part where Clemson hasn’t won a championship since the year I was born… 1981.
Clemson has many Alabama connections with coaches or past players and coaches that are on Clemson’s side now.
When you pay someone to coach your football team you do assume that they will be on your side. I guess you’re trying to thank Alabama for finally providing your ACC ass with a decent football program here though so… you’re welcome?
All of this kind of hit me a different way when reading the reasons to hate Clemson.
Well it was certainly the kind of article that you should take super seriously.
First, we are not the little brother to South Carolina. We OWN them (Check series record if need be).
Just because you beat them in football doesn’t mean you aren’t the little brother. In my article I was referring to Clemson being the land grant cow school of South Carolina. The mission statement for Clemson lays out these four points:
• Reduce the number of people in agriculture by increasing efficiency
• Introduce new fields of studies such as mechanical arts and science
• Be a provider of military personnel
• Provide a place for sons and daughters of the working class
You are the secondary cow school of your state, but that’s ok; there has to be a place for plebs to study goats and what not.
If not for Swinney’s first recruiting class of a total of (12), we would not have lost to them 5 years in a row. It took the hiring of a legend to finally get the upper hand on Clemson for a few years. Clemson makes legends. We don’t hire them (See also Sabans returning Alabama to relevance).
I assume this is some sort of Palmetto lowland trash talk and that’s why it’s just rambling nonsense to me. I think the basic gist is “I’m an ACC fan who hasn’t had to deal with trash talk or major success in my life time and I don’t know how to react to it.”
Saban beat Clemson back in 2008. The only thing that impressed me back then was the line of scrimmage. Clemson lineman had no chance.
That was the only thing that impressed you in a 34-10 beat down? Really?
Now, you hear all the talk about Bama’s front four. Well, I think you’ll be surprised how well our front four will keep Henry in check and make Coker toss balls erratically. We are dominant up front and not too bad on the back end either.
The ACC is known for its back end y’all.
Henry’s success hinges on great offensive lineman who know how to get to that next level of blocking which opens up lanes for Henry. Henry in the secondary is a joke, but when he is held at the line of scrimmage, he’s just another big back which Alabama could replace with another back.
He broke Hershel Walkers record, only an idiot would say that he can be replaced with whoever… but you certainly fit that bill, so please do continue.
We can’t replace Deshaun Watson with another one as good right now. They are coming in year by year though….Watch Out. He means more to Clemson than Henry does to Alabama.
So the threat is that Deshaun Watson is irreplaceable, but you have a bunch of guys ready to replace him? Solid.
Reason Henry wins Heisman is due to the eSECpn coverage and good ole’ Tebow pumping up the conference.
Tebow won Derrick Henry the Heisman y’all.
Fact is, who cares about the Heisman. Alabama only has what, 2 or 3 in its historic history Truth is, Alabama is the SEC. What you got? Auburn won in 2011, LSU in 2007 and Florida for a couple years with the great Tebow. Oh yeah, Tennessee back in 2007.
I don’t think Tennessee and LSU won the national title in 2007. Yes, being the best team in the best conference is a burden, but we manage. How many ACC championships were won in that time span? (HINT: It’s one!)
With this said, why does Alabama have to promote a conference that they dominate? The ACC is by know means a dominant conference.
“by know means”
Apparently Alabama should have kept it a secret what conference they were in? This email has been bonkers form the start, but it’s way off the rails now.
Not enough commitment to football, but there are two teams that do and will be around to show the College Football world that we support our own football teams. I pull for Clemson not a conference. Yeah it’s great for all to do well, but who really rides the coattails of others. Mediocre teams do.
I think our friend is trying to blame Bama for other teams coopting Bama’s success… I think… either that or he’s trying to prove who shot Kennedy.
South Carolina fans are saying that a Bama win would save there season. They say it as if they will be beating Clemson.
Look, I don’t want to get mixed up in your Carolina family issues, save it for Maury.
Oblivious to all things outside of the SEC. I love it though. Motivates my Tigers and I’m sure once Deshaun reads about his dress attire that you degraded for the Heisman presentation, he will take notice.
You really think Deshaun is reading my 5 reasons to hate Clemson? If Deshaun is spending his time on the internet this week I think you have bigger problems.
You see, he is from the state of Georgia and his High School team (which he led to the schools first ever state championship) is Red.
He still looked like an extra from Guys and Dolls.
He was representing where he is from and if you read up on his life you’d probably be impressed, other than he is not playing in the SEC where Defense is King, right. Check out the top Defenses in the Nation. The SEC has 4 teams in the top 20 and what? Wait a minute, 4 ACC teams in the top 20, so I’d say Clemson plays against some pretty good Defenses.
The SEC went 7-2 vs. power 5 teams in the bowls and the ACC went 3-3, but sure you guys rock. I also think it’s great that you are spending all this time bragging about the ACC right after saying that you don’t root for a conference, but a team.
Back to reasons to hate Clemson. All are extremely biased as Orange is a wonderful color that will stick out to you on Jan. 11th.
It’s not wonderful, Orange is eye food poisoning. Orange is the Chipotle burrito of team colors.
Our iconic Paw will be seen by many Bama players very close up against Bamas boring uniforms.
That paw isn’t iconic for clemson, every high school team that calls themselves anything remotely cat related uses it. It is iconic in it looks great on the gym wall for the big pep rally way though.
Clemson looks much better than the plain, same numbers that are already on the jersey.
Our traditions don’t include touching a rock that was once a doorstop, they have actual on the field meaning.
No comment on the other reasons as they are a far reach to try and put down one of the best, if not best public university’s in America.
It’s not even close to being the best, in anything.
Hey, how many Scholarship players will Bama graduate this year? Clemson coaches make sure the players are committed to studies. On the other hand, Alabama schedules school to start after the Championship game is played. We see what trumps All in the Bama world.
Alabama had a record setting 29 players with degrees play in the Cotton Bowl, 3 of which had masters degrees.
Gone be tough this year starting back to school later and having to deal with the loss. Keep hating. Clemson is loving it plus the 7 point underdog tag. eSECpn put that label on Clemson and you might wish Bama was the underdog in this one.
I doubt it.
That was fun, I’m glad I could make the day of a crazy Clemson fan with my 5 reasons to hate Clemson.
Here is my official response:
Dearest Clemson reader,
LOL
Love,
Bandit
Be sure to check out the post that set this looney toon off:
Related Story: 5 Reasons To Hate Clemson
I promised to include the whole wall of text email, so here it is.
Good Morning Mr. Hammer Evans! I hope this finds Mr. Charles Evans who wrote about the reasons Bama should hate Clemson. It seems to me (Clemson does anyway) that when you are a superior team that you don’t have to put down or even hate the opposing team. Guess I am wrong in that Alabama or any eSECpn bias fan has always been ignorant. Yes, Alabama is the blueprint for College Football. Always has. Lot’s of history and I have respected Alabama for a long time. I’m not one of those that says, Oh, Alabama just cheats or they are this or that. No, I respect the history. Clemson has many Alabama connections with coaches or past players and coaches that are on Clemson’s side now. All of this kind of hit me a different way when reading the reasons to hate Clemson. First, we are not the little brother to South Carolina. We OWN them (Check series record if need be). If not for Swinney’s first recruiting class of a total of (12), we would not have lost to them 5 years in a row. It took the hiring of a legend to finally get the upper hand on Clemson for a few years. Clemson makes legends. We don’t hire them (See also Sabans returning Alabama to relevance). Saban beat Clemson back in 2008. The only thing that impressed me back then was the line of scrimmage. Clemson lineman had no chance. Now, you hear all the talk about Bama’s front four. Well, I think you’ll be surprised how well our front four will keep Henry in check and make Coker toss balls erratically. We are dominant up front and not too bad on the back end either. Henry’s success hinges on great offensive lineman who know how to get to that next level of blocking which opens up lanes for Henry. Henry in the secondary is a joke, but when he is held at the line of scrimmage, he’s just another big back which Alabama could replace with another back. We can’t replace Deshaun Watson with another one as good right now. They are coming in year by year though….Watch Out. He means more to Clemson than Henry does to Alabama. Reason Henry wins Heisman is due to the eSECpn coverage and good ole’ Tebow pumping up the conference. Fact is, who cares about the Heisman. Alabama only has what, 2 or 3 in its historic history Truth is, Alabama is the SEC. What you got? Auburn won in 2011, LSU in 2007 and Florida for a couple years with the great Tebow. Oh yeah, Tennessee back in 2007. With this said, why does Alabama have to promote a conference that they dominate? The ACC is by know means a dominant conference. Not enough commitment to football, but there are two teams that do and will be around to show the College Football world that we support our own football teams. I pull for Clemson not a conference. Yeah it’s great for all to do well, but who really rides the coattails of others. Mediocre teams do. South Carolina fans are saying that a Bama win would save there season. They say it as if they will be beating Clemson. Oblivious to all things outside of the SEC. I love it though. Motivates my Tigers and I’m sure once Deshaun reads about his dress attire that you degraded for the Heisman presentation, he will take notice. You see, he is from the state of Georgia and his High School team (which he led to the schools first ever state championship) is Red. He was representing where he is from and if you read up on his life you’d probably be impressed, other than he is not playing in the SEC where Defense is King, right. Check out the top Defenses in the Nation. The SEC has 4 teams in the top 20 and what? Wait a minute, 4 ACC teams in the top 20, so I’d say Clemson plays against some pretty good Defenses.
Back to reasons to hate Clemson. All are extremely biased as Orange is a wonderful color that will stick out to you on Jan. 11th. Our iconic Paw will be seen by many Bama players very close up against Bamas boring uniforms. Clemson looks much better than the plain, same numbers that are already on the jersey. No comment on the other reasons as they are a far reach to try and put down one of the best, if not best public university’s in America. Hey, how many Scholarship players will Bama graduate this year? Clemson coaches make sure the players are committed to studies. On the other hand, Alabama schedules school to start after the Championship game is played. We see what trumps All in the Bama world. Gone be tough this year starting back to school later and having to deal with the loss. Keep hating. Clemson is loving it plus the 7 point underdog tag. eSECpn put that label on Clemson and you might wish Bama was the underdog in this one.