The bye week blues have set in, and although our beloved Crimson Tide is not playing this weekend, there is still plenty out there on the college football landscape for us to dive into. Since Alabama still controls its own destiny, we don’t have to root for any specific teams to win or lose. So we will approach this off week through the lens of embracing chaos, and simply wanting to watch the world burn.
The first game of interest is the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Yes, I’m still calling it the Cocktail Party, despite the best wishes of pointy-headed bowtie-wearing school administrators. I – like all sane people – do not believe that calling a football game a cocktail party encourages binge drinking; college football encourages binge drinking. By all accounts UGA should win this game, but the Dawgs simply have a mental block about Florida. I fully expect UF quarterback John Brantley to return for this game and Florida to knock off Georgia, putting the nail in Mark “but he’s such a good guy” Richt. Although nobody enjoys a good Gator humbling like I do, I think we need UF to win Saturday. A Florida win effectively puts South Carolina in the driver’s seat to represent the East as the sacrificial lamb in Atlanta. There are three wrongs from 2010 that need to be righted. The first is November 5th, and hopefully Atlanta in December will complete the trifecta.
Navy vs. Notre Dame is another game Bama fans can get into to find a place for the excess rage that can’t be contained for another week. Since the Domers are playing a service academy, the way I see it, if you are rooting against Notre Dame you are literally rooting for America. I fully intend on doing my patriotic duty and pulling for the Midshipmen to option their way over, around and through those sanctimonious, holier-than-thou relics of the leather helmet era. If you pull for Notre Dame, the terrorists win.
South Carolina visits the seventh circle of hell Knoxville this weekend providing us with a two-for-one game. First we have the aforementioned point of SC getting to Atlanta, and secondly, I think we can all agree that we want to see Tennessee lose at everything they every do.
Out in Los Angeles, I think we should be pulling for the Trojans to beat Stanford, even though they are coached by Lane Kiffin. I always enjoy seeing undefeated teams lose (except Alabama of course) and if the Cardinal lose, along with Andrew Luck having a bad day, Trent Richardson assumes the lead for the Heisman. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting pretty sick of all the puff and fluff this Stanford team is getting and the hero worship Luck is receiving. This is still a west coast wine country, tough-as-a-neutered-poodle team that needs to be knocked down a peg.
Finally we come to Ole Miss vs. A-barn. I think we all know what to do here. Like Emperor Palpatine said, “Let the hate flow through you.” Let it wash over you like a cool water and embrace it. Order a chord of firewood made from the Toomer’s oaks, and if you feel any sympathy for them remember: those meth-addled hicks put a $cam Newton jersey on Coach Bryant’s statue. Besides, a win by Houston Dale Nutt’s squad might raise his odds of not getting fired to somewhere around two percent. We have a vested interest in this, since there is the chance the Rebels could make a good hire for once, and either poach Kirby Smart or bring in Mike Leach. I have no interest in seeing the Air Raid every season, and although I know Coach Smart is probably off to Athens next year, I am hoping that Coach Saban wants him to go get some experience as an SEC head coach, so that he’s ready to return to Tuscaloosa whenever Saban retires. Roll Tide everybody.