New Year’s Resolutions

2011 was a year of crazy twists, enraging moments and happy surprises in the world of college football.  2012 will no doubt have a similar roller coaster effect.  The time is upon us in which people will be making resolutions for 2012.  There are some that don’t believe in making resolutions, some who simply don’t have the time and there are also some that just flat out don’t know what their resolutions need to be.  That’s why I’m here.  Because I’m a loyal Alabama fan and, honestly a generous person, I have taken it upon myself to provide suggestions of resolutions for a few select players, people and teams.  It will be up to them if they decide to utilize these resolutions I have so graciously given.

For Cade Foster, I think your resolution should be to work hard on your kicking game.  You should do your best to perfect your sport.  Yes, that should be your resolution, but it is important that you follow that through at a school other than the University of Alabama.  I’m not usually a superstitious person but I am getting the sense that you won’t be able to accomplish this resolution at Alabama.  Yes, it must be another school.

This resolution is simple, yet so poignant.  To the entire team, staff and fans of Boise State: your resolution should be to get over yourselves in 2012.

To Mike Dyer: I suggest your resolution be to always skip the puff-puff and just pass.

For Auburn, Mike Dyer isn’t the only one that needs a resolution.  In fact, I suggest that all Auburn fans, coaches and players alike go and buy a painting, t-shirt, cow patty, snow globe, flag, screensaver, koozie or anything that depicts your national championship victory, display it so you can view it easily and look at it often because you won’t be getting another one of those for a long, long time.

Tyrann Mathieu also deserves a resolution.  First, I would like to say that I think it wouldn’t hurt the “Honey Badger” to go ahead and write down the resolution I gave Boise State…just for good measure.  Also, I think he should resolve to wear the suit he wore to the Heisman ceremony as much as possible.  He’s going to need as many endorsements as possible when he turns pro and money from a Reynolds Wrap commercial is as good as any.

I have the perfect resolution for the Tennessee Volunteer family though it may be difficult.  If you can, find the DeLorean from Back to the Future or the Time-Turner from Harry Potter and go back in time to the mid to late 90s when your football program wasn’t so pathetic.  I’d almost be willing to help you out here.  It’s not even fun to hate Tennessee anymore.

For Harvey Updyke: your resolution should be to empty a room in your house, mount mattresses to all the walls in order to make them padded, have someone lock the door and throw away the key and then never leave.  You make the rest of us look bad.

To all the bright, shiny new recruits Alabama is raking in: your resolution should be to study up.  You’re going to learn soon enough what it feels like to play for a winning team, loaded with tradition, with the most dedicated, passionate fans in the country.

Write this down, Nick Saban: “Resolved: I will coach at Alabama until I’m not good at it anymore and then I will retire there and my big headed statue in front of Bryant Denny Stadium will be admired for generations to come.”

For all Alabama fans, we should all resolve to follow the Crimson Tide at all times, through thick and thin.  Football will bring us together in 2012 and every year after that.

Have a great year everyone, and ROLL TIDE.