Your Weekly Auburn Zen: Public Intoxication Edition
By Tony Breland
It’s that time again, where we open up the police blotter and see what’s happening on the Auburn message boards. This week is a fairly one-topic discussion, what with the latest Red Elephant Club prank being played on a certain Tiger quarterback. As usual, spelling and grammar errors – as well as errors in judgement – are in the originals.
"Let’s go back in time and investigate how “the snake” and “joe willy” behaved during their time down on the crapstone shall we. Pike is at a crossroads for sure, but here’s hoping Mr Pike make’s scarbo eat his words."
"wouldn’t expect anything different from a bammer. but I am growing tired of the ‘black eyes’ on our program whether they be real or made up fiction by the REC. eric smith, camgate, the tailerpark 4, hbo special, mike dyer, the tragic shooting, zeke pike… its amazing how well our staff has been able to recruit despite all that."
"I dont have a problem stating the fact that we have had issues recently, since everyone knows about it anyway. Its not like hes saying Tim Jackson sleeps with young Asian boys."
"Since when is a misdemeanor news? The kid’s got major swag…who cares."
"While i agree with a lot of this, Scarbinksy would never write an article about a bad apple from sabinland. Just more of the same from state media, and KS is one of the better ones too."
"if this action doesn’t show you that we got the right man running our program, i don’t know what will."
"We are better than this. The team should expect more as well. Run Forrest Run. And then Run some more. No excuse because this is what freshment do. Not judging, just expecting. Wow."
"Wow reading some of your comments, funny how quickly some of you will turn on a player for Auburn. Last time I checked he wasn’t kicked off the team. I think he will be fine just needs to go home and get his priorities straight. Good luck Zeke come back with a better mindset and try to keep your nose clean."
"Well…at least he wasn’t cooking meth…"
"There once was a QB at Florida that threw a laptop out of a window. Anyone hear how he turned out? GC is handling it the right way. ZP will be on the team"
"In times of “win at all costs” this man has the balls and the compassion to send an individual who is NOT being responsible and respectful for himself, Auburn University and what the “core values” of being an Auburn man are ALL about home to “get his priorites straight” ($1 to Pinks coach in D&C). When you represent Auburn as an Auburn athlete you are told coming in that you are an Ambassodor for Auburn University and that your actions reflect directly on Auburn."
"Sitting in traffic because the left lane is closed so I’m trying to get over into right lane. Dude with bama crap all over his car waves me in, then at the last second sees my auburn sticker. Slams on his gas so I can’t get over and yells rawl tide out his window. Douche."
"The boy needs some time alone to think about things and consolidate his defecations."
"Did you guys know that if you have a spiritual tattoo praising Jesus that you are guarenteed to go to heaven when you die? I swear its true. Unless you get arrested for public drunkeness, then the contract is void."
And finally, one Tiger fan notes a pattern…
"Remember our heisman trophy winner had a rough freshman year also."