SEC Coaches as NWA Legends: The East

Last week Tony waxed poetic about his love of rasslin’, specifically the classic NWA programs on WTBS.  I also had a love of the staged combat within the squared circle, so our discussions turned into a massive two part story comparing NWA wrestlers of the 1980’s to the current crop of SEC football coaches.

I grew up in the Midwest; southern Ohio to be exact. We were close enough to SEC country to get the Jefferson Pilot Game of the Week telecast and the NWA, but also close enough to the big northeastern TV markets to get the WWF broadcasts as well. While Tony was an NWA diehard, I was a bigger WWF fan since I was a proud little Hulkamaniac. It was my dad that got me watching the Saturday night NWA shows as he was a big Nature Boy fan. Presented here is our take on the Eastern division.

Joker Phillips: Theodore Long.  As Teddy Long is known to most wrestling fans as a referee rather than a grappler, Kentucky is known to football fans mostly as a basketball school. However the Wildcats are going to have uniforms and everything this season, so they should be included on this list. Teddy Long started out in pro wrestling as an errand runner for Abdullah the Butcher and Tommy Rich before moving on to become a referee. After developing his mic skills, Long progressed to the role of manager, most notably for the tag team Doom. Wrestling managers mostly exist for distraction and comic relief. Kentucky provides the college football world with plenty of comic relief whenever they try to play offense. Alabama fans also found it hilarious when Kentucky managed to beat Tennessee, something they hadn’t done since Colonel Sanders was a Private.

Derek Dooley: Lex Luger.  Nobody can argue that Lex Luger didn’t look the part of a heavyweight champion. Unfortunately for Luger, he was a terrible wrestler despite having a solid pedigree.  He was trained by Hiro Matsuda, who had also trained Hulk Hogan and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. Training and physique should have made Luger into a huge star and a champion, but as it turns out he never could win over the fans or be a believable heavyweight champ. Derek Dooley also has a great pedigree, since his father Vince Dooley is one of the most successful and beloved coaches in Georgia history. Dooley also worked under Nick Saban, which is akin to Ric Flair taking Lugar under his wing in the NWA. Derek Dooley (orange pants notwithstanding) also looks the part of a successful football coach. The façade is stripped away once Derek Dooley begins speaking however, as he tends to ramble nonsensically and go off on tangents about the need to teach his players how to properly shower.  Dooley’s on field results have been nothing to celebrate either, as his tenure has be marked by inept football in all facets of the game.

James Franklin: Ricky Steamboat.  Before he was The Dragon, Ricky Steamboat spent his early career in the NWA. He was consistently entertaining and had memorable matches with the NWA’s cock of the walk, Ric Flair. Steamboat’s career reached new heights after leaving the NWA for the WWF, much as I predict James Franklin will move on to a bigger program after a few seasons at Vandy. In his debut season, he had the Commodores ready to play and compete at a high level week in and week out, which is something not usually seen from Vanderbilt football. While it would be great for the program if Vandy can keep him, some bigger name program with buckets of money is certain to take notice of Franklin’s good work and snap him up.

Gary Pinkel: Kevin Sullivan.  It’s too bad that Scott Hall was mostly a WWF wrestler in the 1990’s, because the drunk jokes would be easy and plentiful. When Kevin Sullivan arrived in the NWA, he formed the Varsity Club, a stable of wrestlers with collegiate wrestling experience such as the Steiner Brothers and Mike Rotundo. By moving from the Big XII to the SEC, Pinkel and Missouri are moving from the Junior Varsity to the Varsity Club. Kevin Sullivan was never one to win and hold many title belts, due to a plethora of better and more charismatic wrestlers in the NWA, just like it is difficult to envision Gary Pinkel winning many SEC titles with the likes of Alabama, LSU, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia and South Carolina around. While the Varsity Club was never as formidable a stable as the Four Horsemen, they did have some amusing bits where the members would argue over whose alma mater was the most prestigious. Missouri grads love to argue the merits of their Journalism school compared to other programs around the country.  So they’ve got that going for them… which is nice, I guess.

Will Muschamp:  Buzz Sawyer.  Madness and intensity are the adjectives that best summarize the career and style of Buzz Sawyer. His wild antics and penchant for steel cage matches that left him bloody earned him the nickname Mad Dog. Will Muschamp is known for his intensity and excitable persona, and has become known as Coach Boom. Muschamp’s crazed stare has become an internet meme of its own, solidifying the Boom persona. While still early in his tenure in Gainesville, Muschamp has had to spend much of his abundant energy cleaning up the disciplinary problems left behind by his predecessor. Sadly, Buzz Sawyer became one of the many professional wrestlers to die at an early age due to lifestyle choices that were as reckless and intense as his in-ring persona. Due to a life cut short, Sawyer only won a few titles and never realized his upside. Will Muschamp certainly has a lot of upside at Florida; recruiting from UF’s position in the state of Florida is something most coaches would love to have, and that advantage alone should always keep the Gators in position to be competitive. He has the persona and the training, so only time will tell if he can rise to the top of the SEC.

Mark Richt: Tommy Rich.  Thankfully the Big Boss Man was a WWF wrestler, as a cop persona hailing from Georgia would lead to way too many “Mark Richt has lost control of X” jokes, a theme that has been beaten worse than Tyrann Mathieu was in the national championship game. Tommy “Wildfire” Rich is a better comparison for the longtime UGA coach since neither one has ever been able to handle success or high expectations. Every time Rich managed to climb the mountain and win a belt, he was sure to drop it soon after. The most famous example was how he won the NWA World Heavyweight Championship in 1981, only to lose the belt to Harley Race a mere four days later. Handling prosperity has never been a strength of Mark Richt during his time in Athens either. Georgia often closes a season strong, sometimes even winning the East. This leads to raised expectations and lofty preseason rankings, which the Dawgs can always be counted on not to live up to. Whether it be off the field issues or questionable early season losses, just when Georgia seems ready to have their turn in the rotation of SEC national championship teams, something happens to derail the Dawgs, keeping their fans in a constant state of frustration.

Steve Spurrier: Dusty Rhodes.  Colorful and personable, always quick with a witty one-liner, known both for performance as an athlete and an innovative mind, a description that could easily fit either Dusty Rhodes or Steve Spurrier. “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes was a successful wrestler in the NWA, but also shined as a booker. He created many of the pay-per-view gimmicks, such as War Games and BattleBowl and was the first to utilize the controversial finish to a match in which the referee was knocked unconscious. Steve Spurrier is also known as an innovator, as his wide open Fun & Gun passing attack brought the Florida Gators their first national championship in 1996. While details are still sketchy, apparently Florida played football prior to 1990, and Spurrier himself played there and even won a Heisman trophy in the 1960’s. Spurrier is currently in his second go-round in the SEC, where he has built South Carolina into a consistent winner, something the folks in Columbia are not used to.  Throughout his coaching career, Spurrier has displayed a great talent for working rooms and crowds, tweaking rivals with sharp zingers and never being afraid to provide an opponent with bulletin board material. Both Rhodes and Spurrier have had careers that are both successful and lengthy.  The common man persona is also a shared trait between Rhodes and Spurrier. Rhodes portrayed himself as the likable, working-class hero and if you’ve seen the pictures of a shirtless Spurrier drinking Coors Original at a NASCAR race (you can’t unsee them if you have) it is clear that the two men are kindred spirits.

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