Nick Saban Deserves More Than A Gatorade Bath And Here Are Our Suggestions
By Tony Breland
Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports
The Alabama Crimson Tide performed a remarkable feat on January 7, winning their second consecutive BCS National Championship, and third in four years. As the game clock wound to zero, fans were treated to what has now become a familiar sight, as head coach Nick Saban was doused with Gatorade.
The Gatorade bath is a tradition that started back with the New York Giants in the late 1980s, and spread to all of football rapidly. And frankly, we’re sick of it.
With his fourth national championship, Nick Saban has a statue in front of Bryant-Denny Stadium, a host of trophies and more money than his grandchildren will be able to spend. Shouldn’t he have more than just a run-of-the-mill victory celebration?
While it’s true that even the laws of physics conform to Saban’s will during the traditional Gatorade bath, it’s still not enough. There has to be some way to set Saban’s championship wins apart from that of the guy whose 7-5 team wins the Jif Peanut Butter Bowl.
We’re going to crowdsource this thing by asking for your suggestions. Let us know how you think Saban’s future title victories should be celebrated in the post-game chaos. Here are a few of our humble suggestions:
Carried to midfield on the shoulders of the players. One for the traditionalists to be sure, this one is low-cost, simple to execute and low-impact, given the vast difference in height and weight ratios between Saban and his players.
Victory lap around the stadium on an elephant’s back. Admittedly this one is a bit more difficult to pull off, given that you have to keep an elephant occupied for hours in the locker room until the crucial moment. But Trooper Taylor is unemployed and might need something to do when WWE Raw is preempted by the BCS title game.
Nick Saban Championship Totem Pole. A post on a message board inspired us to write this, so we’re totally stealing one of the suggestions and you can’t sue us because everything on the Internet is free anyway. Anyway, we think an additional statue should be placed on top of the current Nick Saban statue, totem pole-style, for each championship Saban wins. This would extend upward like a skyscraper, but still have the same footprint as the other statues and wouldn’t crowd the plaza.
Postgame Eagles concert featuring Saban on lead guitar. Alabama’s head coach is famously a fan of classic rock acts, and deserves a command performance from The Dude’s least favorite (NSFW link) band. In fact, a fifth national championship should earn Saban the chance to jump on stage and jam with Zombie Joe Walsh during Hotel California. We know he’s capable; we’ve seen him perform with John Tesh.
Those are our suggestions to get your creative juices flowing. Let’s hear it acolytes; this is Nick Saban we’re talking about; Alabama can do better.
(H/T CasaSolar, Rogue and the rest of you Gumps.)