Auburn Football: Your Weekly Auburn Zen – Jailhouse Edition

It’s that time again, where we kick the Opelika anthill and see what they’re saying on the Auburn football message boards. This week, our friends down the road are lamenting the sorry state of their program, and making predictions about next season. As ever, all spelling and grammar errors are in the original comments:

"5 wins and 24 losses in conference play in the Big Three Sports: Football – 0 wins, 8 losses. Men’s basketball – 3 wins, 7 losses. Women’s basketball – 2 wins, 9 losses. And Jay Jacobs is still employed and “earning” (I use that term lightly) almost $1 million a year. Amazing. Simply amazing."

"AU wasn’t nearly as malnutritioned as last season suggests."

"a few weeks ago I said 9-3, but even though I am excited about what gus is doing i’ve decided to lower my expectations ."

"IF CGC could coach, didn’t try to change the offense and didn’t lose the team, we had enough talent to win 6 games."

"This is Auburn. We won’t be happy with six or seven wins in a twelve game season."

"This is going to be the worst athletic year in Auburn history for the major sports, even worse than last year’s disaster, yet Jay Jacobs laughs all the way to the bank. Worst AD in the SEC when you consider the 4 sports generating the most revenue. Even schools with half our AD budget do better than us."

"Just my 2 cents… but Auburn should never lose a player from Auburn HS ever. It is our home turf. It is in the University’s back yard. Never should this happen. If any coach comes sniffing around, he should be pulled over for “malfunctioning turn signals”, he “ran a red light” even if it was yellow, “was speeding” even if by 1 mph, routine inspections for illegal drugs for ALL vehicles outside the city, any thing that will slow and deflect another schools interest. Perhaps even a nice little Pow pow with coaches encouraging them to not allow certain schools to come knocking. Never should it happen. Protect this house. Back in the day Tuscaloosa HS would NOT LOSE players to other schools. WE should be the same way."

"You are assuming all the law enforcement officers in Auburn are loyal AU fans. The REC has law enforcement, in their back pocket through out the state."

"Jay Jacobs should have been fired the minute he missed that free throw that would have won the game."

"I was surprised to see Women’s basketball in the Big Three."

And then all this happened:

"I believe the SUV is a red flag that is being ignored. SPUAT players are arrested or given tickets year after year in tricked out SUVs or sports cars and no on ever ask. But worse than that, they rephrase the police statement to hide the potential NCAA violations."

"Actually there are other players also under review for using the credit cards… Huntsville rumor even says: Heard it on a Hunstville radio station. The host said Yeldon was in the same car as Pettaway and Hayes while Williams was beating the kid"

"Yeldon will be found to have been away on a World Wildlife Fund trip to save baby seals from clubbing while all this transpired."

"It appears the match has been struck and lit–for Saban, it’s a matter of trying to control the resulting fire–whether it’s a small fire or a large one. Whether he has something to hide or not, clearly this ain’t the attention he wants as it puts even a LARGER target on his back. The same MEDIA that built him will turn on him like a wild animal and will tear him apart. As the saying goes…where there is smoke, there is fire!!"

"Suspending them leaves the entire thing open. If they can get the charges reduced to a misdemeanor and the kids get a slap on the wrist, things could change. They will get some connected lawyer to take the case without charge, and don’t be surprised if the Tuscaloosa district attorney is willing to make a deal to do just that. If Saban wants them back, he will get with the kids who were assaulted and make a deal with them as well to make it all go away. They first have to get their status with the University worked out, but that won’t be a problem."

"I think you have to wait and see what happens with the legal system. I would not assume that these guys are gone. I think you could see the three of them back on the field this year, probably before UAT plays their first conference game."

"Nick Sabbum will heal those boys… He’ll reach down with his healing hands and pull the evil out of the Felonious Four. Those boys will be cleansed of their evil ways… as if they had plunged into a redeeming river."

"Well, you can expect a storyline such as “Problems with Student Athletes at Major Colleges” and expect them to tie our 4 misguideds with this uat 4. It’s their way of detaching the problem from uat and making it a nation wide issue. They can’t keep a lid on it so this is their best avenue to “blow it over”….just watch!"

"Bama has to many players on their roster. And at this point in the process most if not all of the players on the roster have been bought and paid for. So how do you get rid of a player who has the dirt on you. You process them thru the legal system. You get the charges held(not dropped) on one condition. That the arrested players move along quietly and never speak of the actions that brought them to turdville usa. So now the players leave, the charges are never put on their record and everything is grand in turdland. Now for you naysayers that say that this is way over the top, that surely grown men would not do young adults this way. All i can say is you are fooling yourself if you dont think that the REC has people on it that wouldnt kill their first born for the turds to remain on top. This i know as fact. I have a personal friend who said from his own mouth that if saban said to castrate himself that he would do if for another championship. (stone cold truth)"

"Should we start a fund for the Tuscaloosa policemen? Those poor men have had their careers shattered….simply by helping people who had been brutally beaten. You know the updykes are not going tolerate these fine men of the law after arresting their players who were simply hungry and wanted food. I bet the officers are going to be forced into witness protection and will be looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives. How sad that their lives and careers have been ruined by rightfully arresting Criminal Tahd football players. It’s all so sad….so very, very sad."

"REC rule number one: Utilize whatever it takes to get them to sign an updyke scolly. Bribe the parents, hide them away in a beach condo, promise they will “be taken care of”. After that our HC will decide if they stay or not and if not they will be processed through some means."

"Do you really think the most well oiled cheating machine in college football wouldn’t have a system in place for keeping people happy when they get processed out? Peaches’ benefit package probably gets a little sweeter when Calloway get’s shown the door."

"They are bammer football players. The kid should have willingly offered the laptop and student card to them. He got what was coming to him."