Debby Wong-USA TODAY Sports
It’s NFL Draft day, and your favorite team is eventually going to make a decision on whom to select in the first round. As you probably already suspect, they will screw it up and make a bad pick. We’ve done some thinking about this, and wanted to prepare you for the worst by telling you just how your team will screw up Draft Day.
1. Kansas City: KC is going to take an OT, the chances are it’s Luke Joeckel from Texas A&M, who is a great choice. Some folks say they also have a strong interest in Eric Fisher from Central Michigan.
How they screw it up: They take the Central Michigan kid, who is very nice, and has never played any significant competition.
2. Jacksonville: The Jags are have no quarterback worth a crap, no defense, no great RB to back up the aging, always hurt, pain in the ass MJD. But they are going to take a OT from Central freaking Michigan (the Jags hate taking players from big schools) or a DB from Oregon. Yeah Oregon, that team known for defense. Dion Jordan has been an outstanding DB at Oregon, playing weak competition, in a weak defense, that is only on the field for moments at a time. The Jaguars have a serious lack of stars on their team, and no QB, so it makes sense for them to not pick a big name QB once again.
How they screw it up: by being the Jaguars. DJ Fluker is available but let’s pick the MAC player because DERP DERP JAGS.
3. Oakland: Oakland is as devoid of talent as Jacksonville, and it’s hard to screw up when your need is EVERYTHING. Oakland is looking at Shariff Floyd DT from Florida, but also at an unproven Ezekiel Ansah DE from BYU.
How they screw it up: You do not spend a number three pick on the chance that a DE from BYU might develop into something good. You use 3rd picks on for sure solid winners, so the Raiders will pick the maybe.
4. Philadelphia: The Eagles got rid of Andy Reid which is a step in the right direction. (sorry KC). New coach Chip Kelly wants his boy Dion Jordan if the Jags don’t take him.
How they screw it up: No telling where they go if Dion Jordan is off the board. And I am always skeptical of college coaches bringing players along to the pros, right Steve Spurrier?
5. Detroit: The Lions should pick Lane Johnson OT from Oklahoma and give Stafford some protection.
How they screw it up: By picking another defensive lineman, the Lions seem to think if they keep improving the defensive line the rest of the team will just fall into place.
6. Cleveland: Browns gonna Brown. Cleveland needs a QB. I know this is shocking, but it turns out Colt McCoy sucks and Brandon Weeden isn’t Joe Montana. Geno Smith is the guy they should look at as he has great accuracy and is light on his feet. Which is important, because Cleveland O-line isn’t going to give you a lot of protection.
How they screw it up: They don’t pick a QB based on the fact that they want to grow up to be Jacksonville. This is a QB league; you don’t win without a franchise QB.
7. Arizona: The Cards are in need of O-line bad. Unfortunately, everyone in this draft is looking for O-line. There are still plenty of great O-line guys on the board though, like D.J. Fluker from Alabama.
How they screw it up: They don’t go O-line and pick some random defensive player.
8. Buffalo: The Bills will probably pick OG Johnathan Cooper from North Carolina, but Chance Warmack would be better. Now all they have to do is find a QB and RB for him to block for.
How they screw it up: They take Ryan Nassib QB from Syracuse. Please do this Bills, please, it would keep the Jaguars from being this stupid in round 2.
9. New York Jets: The Jets should take Barkevious Mingo from LSU and help that D.
How they screw it up: They pick someone other than Mingo.
10. Tennessee: The Titans are looking at Chance Warmack and Dee Milliner both from Alabama.
How they screw it up: They take D.J. Hayden CB from Houston over Dee Millliner.
11. San Diego: The Chargers are looking at finding an OG.
How they screw it up: They pick Jonathan Cooper over Chance Warmack.
12. Miami: The Dolphins are looking at Milliner and Fluker from Alabama, but both of these may be off the board by this time.
How they screw it up: With Milliner and Fluker off the board they pick Xavier Rhodes CB from Florida State.
13. New York Jets: Hey look it’s the Jets again, they traded with Tampa Bay. They Jets are looking at Geno Smith if he is still on the board here, because you can never have to0 many quarterbacks. The Jets are also considering West Virginia WR Tavon Austin. But was Austin really that good, or was his success due to Geno Smith?
How they screw it up: They take TE Tyler Effert from Notre Dame, because a TE will fix the Jets. HEY JETS YOU ALREADY HAVE A TE, HIS NAME IS TIM TEBOW!
14. Carolina: The Panthers are looking defensive line and could take Shariff Floyd or Sheldon Richardson.
How they screw it up: They take FS Kenny Vaccaro from Texas, because you want to get as many Texas defensive players as possible right?
15. New Orleans: New Orleans is looking at Jarvis Jones from UGA. Jarvis has a ton of potential, but can he stay out of trouble in New Orleans?
How they screw it up: Kenny Vaccaro or Xavier Rhodes.
16. St. Louis: Rams looking at Tavon Austin WR from West Virginia, and I am nervous about whether Austin is that good or Geno Smith is. They could also be looking into Chance Warmack.
How they screw it up: Kenny. Vaccaro.
17. Pittsburgh: If Jarvis Jones is available it would bring some youth into an aging Steeler D. And if Pittsburgh can keep Ben Rothlesburger from raping maybe they can keep Jarvis out of trouble?
How they screw it up: It’s hard for the Steelers to screw up too bad here. But they should strengthen their D, going offense has a much smaller upside.
18. Dallas: The Cowboys are really treading water until next season when they make Lane Kiffin their new head coach. They are looking at picking up a DT, and there are some good ones out there since most teams are going O-line.
How they screw it up: They pick a flashy skill player instead of filling a need.
19. New York Giants: The G-men are looking D-line as well, but if Fluker was still on the board they would be quick to snatch him up.
How they screw it up: They seem to be looking at a number of Florida State D-linemen, because they haven’t watched any college football apparently.
20. Chicago: Da Bears are looking at a number of outside linebackers as they move from a hard hitting D to a speedier format.
How they screw it up: Desmund Tufant from Washington, CBs in the league are over glorified WR escorts and have little value. It has to be a super special player to make an impact.
21. Cincinnati: The Bengals are looking at safeties and if they are smart they will pick Eric Reid from LSU.
How they screw it up: Kenny freaking Vaccaro. They have also been talking to Tyrann Mathieu, so yeah.
22. St. Louis: The Rams are back by trading with Washington. Alex Ogletree would be a solid choice.
How they screw it up: Hard to mess up when you have two first round picks, but there are two ways named Manti T’eo and Tyrann Mathieu.
23. Minnesota: The Vikes have a lot of crazy rumors surrounding them and it ranges from QB to WR to ILB. Justin Hunter WR from Tennessee would be a solid move and give Ponder a big target.
How they screw it up: Manti T’eo or Ryan Nassib. Nassib would be even worse than T’eo since it would just start a QB controversy that Ponder will probably end up winning anyway.
24. Indianapolis: The Colts need a solid center to replace Jeff Saturday and could get one in Travis Frederick from Wisconsin.
How they screw it up: they go CB, a position of little value overall, and pass on getting a long term partner on the O-line for Andrew Luck.
25. Minnesota: Here we are again after a trade with the Seahawks. Minnesota gave up Percy Harvin for this position so they better get something good out of it.
How they screw it up: The Vikes are the only team really really interested in Manti T’eo, they gave up Percy Harvin and are going to end up with Manti T’eo. Well done Minnesota.
26. Green Bay: Matt Elam from Florida is in the sites of the Packers.
How they screw it up: They waste a first round pick on mediocre TE Tyler Eifert from Notre Dame.
27. Houston: The Texans are going to go WR and there are a bevy of great choices in Cordarrelle Patterson, DeAndre Hopkins, and Justin Hunter.
How they screw it up: All these great WR out there and they pick Keenan Allen from Cal.
28. Denver: Denver is looking DE and has their eye on Bjoern Werner from FSU.
How they screw it up: They take a cornerback.
29. New England: Hard to say what the Pats will do, there’s a chance they could trade this pick before the day is out.
How they screw it up: Let’s be honest, the Pats don’t screw up the draft.
30. Atlanta: The Falcons seem to be leaning towards taking a CB. I have no idea how that is the missing piece.
How they screw it up: They take a risk on a small school guy and it doesn’t pay off, but it’s not a big screw up being this far down in round 1.
31. San Fransisco: The Niners like the Monster Jessie Williams.
How they screw it up: They don’t take Jessie Williams.
32. Baltimore: The Ravens could shore up their O-line here or go WR and grab a play maker.
How they screw it up: They won the Super Bowl, who cares if you miss on a pick.