PSA: Six Reasons Not To Visit Baton Rouge

Ah, Baton Rouge. The home of the Louisiana State University Tigers. The rivalry between Alabama and LSU has reached new heights since their feelings were hurt when Nick Saban returned to college football at The University of Alabama. I have to say, this is one of my favorite games each year. In fact, I have enjoyed this rivalry so much I have made a few trips down to Baton Rouge.
 

 
Here is the thing though…it is not worth your time, patience, or gas money. The entire reason I am writing this public service announcement is to encourage not only Alabama fans – but all fans who play LSU to never visit this corndog smelling city. Luckily for Alabama fans this will not be an issue this year, we will be playing them in Bryant-Denny, most likely under the lights.
 

 
Reason #1: Traffic
If you thought traffic in Tuscaloosa was bad – try Baton Rouge. The city leaders must have a helicopter to travel because nobody in their right mind would use those roads unless they absolutely have to do so. Planning on getting to campus early to see the sights? I’m not sure why you would do that. There isn’t much to see. Planning on going early and aggravating the Corndogs? You’ll need to leave your hotel at least two hours earlier than you would normally do in a college town. Their lack of roads and terribly constructed back roads make for a nightmare to get around this campus.
 

 
Reason #2: Their most renown neighborhood’s mascot is the pink flamingo
This is not a humor article. I am being serious. The oldest neighborhood in Baton Rouge, known as Spanish Town, is known for their pink flamingos. This neighborhood is chalked full of inspirational artists, but their lawns look like Party City puked all over them. The motto of the neighborhood is, “Poor taste is better than no taste at all.” You can’t make that stuff up.
 

 
Reason #3: Baton Rouge’s restaurants are far from original
I am not sure why someone would pick a chain restaurant over some good local cooking, but a survey shows that 1 out of 5 Baton Rouge residents prefer chain restaurants over something local. That’s right. In the land of seafood and po’ boys these locals would prefer to head on down to Chili’s. Guess they like their margs?
 

 
Reason #4: It smells
We have all heard the jokes it smells like hotdog water in Baton Rouge. If you have actually visited this god-awful city you would know it is the truth. Sadly, it is not because of the amount of corndogs that live in the area. Baton Rouge’s economy thrives off of oil and gas refinement. In fact, they have the third largest oil refinery in the nation. So, yes, the place smells like crap 24/7/365.
 

 
Reason #5: Too many LSU fans
Hey, I know Tuscaloosa has a lot of Alabama fans but we also have other things we do. We are also kind enough to allow nonbelievers into our city. We have a mix of Alabama, Auburn, Mississippi State, Ole Miss, etc fans. We even have some, and it is hard for me to say this, that don’t care about sports at all. This massive amount of LSU fans in one area, while not proven, probably contributes to the horrible stench in Baton Rouge.
 

 
Reason #6: Baton Rouge has a downtown…but nobody seems to know this
The downtown area of Baton Rouge is completely dead. There are some government buildings and daytime businesses, but they lack a restaurant scene, apartments, and bars. I guess their love for chain restaurants has pushed them all to the interstate exits?
 

 
I hope everyone takes this PSA seriously. Please send it out to your family and friends. As I stated before, this is not only for Alabama fans in the future years. This is for the poor teams that will have to make the trek to Baton Rouge this season. You are welcome.