Bret Bielema ā The Ron Swanson of the SEC
Turn-Ons: bacon, sausage, ham, ribs, hot dogs, corn dogs, baloney, pork chops, sunsets
Turn-Offs: vegetarians, Barry Alverez, the dangerous HUNH
Body Type: 2 3/4 Bobby Petrinos
Eyes: borderline erotic
About Bret:
Listen baby, Iām not here to write some fancy profile thatās going to be full of tricks and twists. Iām an old fashioned man whoās just looking to run it up your middle and overwhelm you with my size and power.
I can be summed up as a man by this chart.
What Are You Looking For In A Partner?
Iām looking for someone who knows that barbecue sauce can be an exciting addition to the bedroom. My perfect lady would have the humor of Betty White, the commanding personality of Bea Arthur, and the sexual ferocity of Rue McClanahan. Are you my Golden Girl?
What Do People Notice First About You?
My natural scent, itās like putting your head right in that little rotating hot dog cooker at the 7-11.
Favorite Band: I listen exclusively to Bruce Springsteen.
Favorite Movie: Over The Top.
Religion: Guy Fieri
Sexual Preference: I enjoy any position that allows my two dogs to watch.
A Random Fact About You: Iāve fought in three gentlemanās duels, I of course won all three. AND IF GUS DOESNāT WATCH IT ITāS GOING TO BE FOUR SOON.
If You Could Be Any Animal What Would It Be? The pig, because itās the most delicious animal.
If You Didnāt Do What You Do Now, What Would You Do? Iād be the better version of Joey Chestnut.
3 Things You Canāt Live Without: bacon, bacon, and āLittle Womenā by Louisa May Alcott
Is Bret Bielema your SEC true love match or will you keep searching?