A Reply To A Crazy Mom’s Open Letter About Cam Newton
One Titans fan mom was so upset about Cam Newton’s touchdown dances during the Panthers vs Titans game, and what her nine year old would think about them, that she wrote an open letter to Cam Newton and sent it to the Charlotte Observer. I decided to write a reply to her daughter.
I’m an Alabama fan, so I certainly don’t own any Cam Newton jerseys, but criticizing him over his touchdown dances is ridiculous. So I wrote a letter to the nine year old little girl whose mom was so upset about Cam Newton dancing that she had to write the paper about it.
Dear nine year old daughter of the lady that was so mad about Cam Newton’s touchdown dance that she wrote The Charlotte Observer,
I know you’ve been through a lot the last few days. It’s surely been a traumatic experience, I just want you to know that it’s going to be OK.
Sometimes adults do things to get attention, and it can be hard to understand for kids. The truth is though that none of this is your fault. None of it.
It’s not your fault that Cam Newton celebrated his success against a pitiful Titans team which is now coached by a coach even the Jaguars didn’t want; and it’s certainly not your fault that your mom is a ridiculous prude.
Parents can be embarrassing, especially when they write letters to the newspaper because they are butthurt that their team lost a football game. I know right now it’s hard to imagine, but “butthurt” is a powerful emotion that can make adult sports fans do crazy things.
I refuse to believe that your mom wouldn’t think that her letter was as dumb as getting mad about red coffee cups if it was written by another teams fan about Marcus Mariotta. Of course that’s probably fairly unlikely because it’s not often that people write ridiculous letters about an “I threw an interception” dance.
You’re mom can’t really be that upset about dancing… then again she did use the phrase “pelvic thrusts”. I bet Prom is going to be a hoot for you.
If watching other people celebrate is such a problem for you and your mom perhaps you shouldn’t be going to football games? Do you like checkers? You know, if you play checkers against yourself you always win! This way you will never have to deal with the reality of not always being on the winning side! I’m sure that won’t come up in your adult life; your mom has sure learned to handle it so well after all.
Don’t be mad at your ridiculous mother, you’re going to need her. If you’ve got your heart set on growing up a Titans fan you’ll need all the support you can get. I guess you could always become fans of Tennessee’s college teams… yeah, that’s not any better is it?
Best of luck to you and your ridiculously overprotective butthurt helicopter mom!
Love,
Bandit
Football is supposed to be fun, it is a game, I have no idea why folks like this mom, the NFL, and the NCAA want to take the fun out of it in the name of being “classy.”