SEC Football: One Big Dysfunctional Family

Mandatory Credit: John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports
Mandatory Credit: John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports /
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Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports
Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports /

 Florida: The Grandma

Orange lipstick, “Bingo wings”, and seemingly mismatched clothing, the Florida Gators embody the stereotypical Grandma of SEC football. For the most part, grandmothers take on one of two personalities: the Sweet Little Old Lady and the brash, loud, purse-slinging Tough Old Bird. Florida swings back and forth between the two, sometimes playing hard and fast, and other times wandering around looking lost for four quarters.

Florida’s football seasons are hit or miss, much like Grandma’s 50-50 luck at Bingo. The Gators were awesome under Spurrier and Meyer, but abysmal with Will Muschamp as head coach. Jim McElwain will be starting his second season has the main man in Gainsville this year, so the direction of UF’s program remains to be seen.

Florida fans regularly wave their “bingo wings” in sleeveless shirts as they Gator Chomp in The Swamp, no doubt trying to get a nice glowing tan. People who aren’t from the south probably assume the University of Florida is near the beach, so a tan shouldn’t be hard to come by. In fact, it is entirely landlocked, leaving all of the elderly fans saying, “Wait a minute, Herb. I thought we were moving to Florida! This place is NOTHING like Boca!”

Let’s end this slide with an all-time favorite YouTube video, for the soul reason that there will probably never be another chance to post it anywhere.

That’s Congresswoman Corrine Brown’s address to Congress congratulating the University of Florida, head coach “Irvin Meyers”, quarterback “Tim Tivo”, and wide receiver “Percy Harvey” on their 2008 BCS National Title.  Go Gata!

Next: Alabama