Alabama Football: Kids Discuss The Iron Bowl

Nov 19, 2016; Tuscaloosa, AL, USA; Alabama Crimson Tide flag corp prior to the game against Chattanooga Mocs at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports
Nov 19, 2016; Tuscaloosa, AL, USA; Alabama Crimson Tide flag corp prior to the game against Chattanooga Mocs at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports /
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They say leggings, drunk people, and kids always tell the truth. So what do kids have to say about the Iron Bowl and Alabama football?

I can’t tell you how many Alabama football outfits my kids have. From cheerleader dresses and Big Al bows for the girls, to the very serious “home” and “away” jerseys for my son that MUST match the team – we’re always decked out in full gear around my house.

But that’s just how things are done here. College football is the end-all, be-all in the great state of Alabama. We don’t have any pro teams, so with the exception of four minor league baseball franchises scattered from Huntsville to Mobile, college sports are as high as we go.

Parents start training their children to root for their team as soon as they can talk. I practiced animal sounds with my oldest daughter when she was around 10 months old.

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I’d say “What does a dog say?” and she’d respond “RUFF!”

“What does a cat say?” “MEOW!”

What does a sheep say?” “BAAAAA!”

“And what does an elephant say?”

“ROH TY!”

Yes. Yes I did.

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Kids around here learn early who they are to like and who they are to despise.

I’ll never forget the day our 10-year-old son, then just 5, looked up at my husband, embarrassed, and said “Daddy…I don’t really like Auburn.”

Jonathan said, “Why not, buddy?”

And he said, “Because Emma, in my class … well, she likes Auburn. And she eats boogers.” They don’t call them “Booger Eaters” for nothing, I guess.

With the Iron Bowl coming up this weekend, and now that I have three children I am trying to raise to be crimson-bleeding Alabama fans, I thought it was only appropriate that I get thoughts on the Auburn-Alabama rivalry from those who always tell it like it is – the kids.

I interviewed 14 different children, ages 4 to 9, and asked them “Do you like Alabama or Auburn?” and asked them to explain why.

These are some of their often amusing, sometimes misguided, but always straight-forward responses.”I like Auburn. My dad says I have to.” ~ Andrew, age 5

“Alabama. Because they win.” ~ Kristin, age 6

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  • “We like Alabama because my mom says she looks good in red.” ~ Taylor, age 9

    “I like bulldogs because it’s fun to bark at people.” ~ Jordan, age 4 (It’s okay, he’s from Georgia. And it is kinda fun to bark at people sometimes).

    “I don’t like Auburn. Orange is an ugly color.” ~ Rachel, age 7

    “Alabama is the best because they have four big Tvs at Bryan-Dino.” ~ Mason, age 6

    “Auburn is my favorite. I like the Weeble Weeble cheer because I get to say “damn” and my dad doesn’t get mad.” ~ Patrick, age 8

    “I like Auburn because Patrick does.” ~ Maddie, age 7

    “I like Alabama football because my mom said that snobby bitch Jenny went to Auburn and we don’t like her.” ~name withheld, age 9

    “Alabama. It’s fun to go to Tuscalooska. My nana buys me ice cream.” ~ Carter, age 5

    “I don’t like Alabama. Everyone always talks about a bear but all I ever see is that big, dumb elephant.” ~ Emily, age 8

    “I don’t like Auburn people. They’re stinky.” ~ Jackson, age 4

    “Auburn is my favorite because they throw toilet paper in the trees and it looks like a haunted house.” ~ Camille, age 6

    “Auburn isn’t good anymore. My dad says their fence is broken.” ~ Zachary, age 6

    This weekend, I’ll continue indoctrinating my children, specifically 5-year-old Caroline, to the ways of a true Alabama football fan. I’ll spend the next few years showing her that Saturdays are made for football, and when she’s bigger, she’ll start learning about plays and penalties like I’m currently teaching her older siblings. If for some reason she ever needs a reminder of what teams we like and the ones we don’t in our house, she can always ask her big sister.

    When I asked my 10-year-old daughter about the teams she liked, this was her fantastic (and not at all brainwashed) response:

    “I like Alabama because my Mom went there. I love Nick Saban. And Lane Kiffin is HOT.”

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    I’ve trained her so well.

    RTR.