Bama Hammer
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Exclusive Interview With Twitter’s Eight Ball The Tiger

By Charles Evans

Sep 5, 2015; Clemson, SC, USA; Clemson Tigers mascot looks on during the first quarter against the Wofford Terriers at Clemson Memorial Stadium. Tigers won 49-10. Mandatory Credit: Joshua S. Kelly-USA TODAY Sports
Sep 5, 2015; Clemson, SC, USA; Clemson Tigers mascot looks on during the first quarter against the Wofford Terriers at Clemson Memorial Stadium. Tigers won 49-10. Mandatory Credit: Joshua S. Kelly-USA TODAY Sports /
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He’s the greatest mascot to ever type in all caps on Twitter, and we’ve got his takes on Alabama vs. Clemson in the National Championship.

The Alabama Crimson Tide is set to take on the Clemson Tigers tonight in one final battle to see who will be the National Champion. Will it be back to back wins for the Tide or the start of a new Clemson dynasty? While some people look to experts, coaches, or players for insight into this massive game, we look to a wiser source, a parody mascot twitter account that types in all caps and loves cocaine.

Bama Hammer – Eight Ball, you’re known across the world as the Nick Saban of mascots, the greatest of all time. What advice would you give to Nick Saban on how to handle the pressure of being, and trying to stay, at the top of his profession?

Eight Ball – HEY HEY I’D SAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF IT TAKES A LOT OF REGIMENTED DIET AND EXERCISE TO BECOME AND STAY THIS AWESOME AND IF YOU DON’T FOCUS ON YOURSELF YOU’LL FALL APART SO REMEMBER TO EAT RIGHT EXERCISE OFTEN AND DO A SHIT TON OF BLOW

BH – The Clemson Tigers are once again facing the Alabama Crimson Tide. What substance would you say best represents each of these teams?

EB – HEY HEY WELL ALABAMA IS COCAINE IT’S BEEN AROUND FOREVER AND IS THE CRÈME DE LA CRÈME WHILE CLEMSON IS METH THE PLUCKY UPSTART WITH A LOT GOING FOR IT THAT IS LOOKING TO TOPPLE THE KINGPIN AND SIT ON THE THRONE

BH – Dabo Swinney is known for his dance moves, what’s your signature move? And as a follow up, what’s your music of choice?

EB – HEY HEY I’M A BIG FAN OF THE ‘TWIRL A GLOWSTICK ON A STRING FOR SIX HOURS’ MOVE AND I LOVE BLASTING EDM OF ALL SORTS

BH – Do you have any pregame traditions you like to follow for luck?

EB – HEY HEY NO ANDREW LUCK WENT TO STANFORD

BH – Can you give us your prediction on who will win the National Championship?

EB – HEY HEY CLEMSON OVER BAMA IT WILL BE A TOUGH FOUGHT GAME BUT CLEMSON PULLS IT OUT 223-0

BH – Lastly I’d like to ask you a classic sports question, which Golden Girl is your favorite and why?

EB – HEY HEY I KNOW YOU’RE THINKING I’M CLEARLY A DOROTHY MAN SINCE SHE WAS IN CHARGE AND IN THE SUBTEXT SHE WAS RUNNING A MAJOR COCAINE SMUGGLING RING AND MONEY LAUNDERING FRONT BUT I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR ROSE BECAUSE SHE’S REAL SALT OF THE EARTH AND ALSO BETTY WHITE IS AWESOME

Well now you’ve heard it straight from the tiger’s mouth, Clemson wins 223-0 and Dorothy was a drug lord. You can’t argue with that… seriously, don’t argue with him, he knows a guy. Be sure to follow Eight Ball on Twitter during the game for all his big takes on the game and on taking big lines.

NEXT: The Most Ridiculous Fan Predictions of 2016

What do you think? Will Alabama or Clemson win the National Championship? Let us know on Facebook or in the comments below.

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