Alabama Football: Nick asked and we provide five reasons the Tide is bad

Alabama football head coach Nick Saban, after Saturday’s 45-23 win over Texas A&M, requested that the media write negative things to show the team what to improve on. So, who are we to stand in the way of Saban’s process?

Nick Saban has a plan to counter typical media rat poison. As Alabama football fans know, Nick is no fan of bounteous amounts of praise being heaped upon his team.

So Nick has implored members of the media and even Alabama football fans to chirp at will.

From Nick Saban on Saturday:

"“So, I’d appreciate if you would sorta look at some of the things we didn’t do so well and write about that so maybe I can show it to some of the players and say ‘Look here, man. Here’s something you can do better.”"

As we are always finding ways to help The Process move forward, we will do our best to oblige Saban’s request. After all, he’s right: You can’t learn from mistakes you don’t know you made. So, we will dig deep and find the flaws that will help this team improve upon itself.

Full disclosure: By “dig deep”, we REALLY had to dig very deep to find five different flaws. But, we are Bama Hammer and we pursue nothing but excellence. We put our four fingers up and pushed through to bring you this list.

(If you can’t tell at this point, we are on the verge of pure sarcasm here.)

1. Alabama failed to score 50+ points against Texas A&M

For the first three games, Alabama displayed more violence than any MMA fight ever shown on television. Ripping apart the Louisville Cardinals and the Arkansas State Red Wolves was fun, but there was so much satisfaction tacking on 62 points against the Ole Miss RebBlackBeSharks. It was an absolute joy seeing Alabama’s offense just rip through defenses like they were made of butter.

After being just one touchdown away from doing that same thing to the Aggies, it simply left us disappointed. We could have sent Aggie fans home with their heads down, but instead, they are off to College Station feeling satisfied that they gave Alabama all they wanted. That is simply unacceptable.

2. Saban can’t seem to keep one quarterback on the field

Heading into the season, we knew Alabama was going to have to pick its starter right from the start. However, Nick Saban cannot seem to decide what quarterback to leave on the field for all four quarters.

Despite his claims that sophomore QB Tua Tagovailoa was the man for Alabama football, he doesn’t seem entirely comfortable keeping him in all four quarters. One could say that he’s making sure his so-called star quarterback doesn’t get injured, but what’s the real story? Jalen Hurts has seen time in all four games so far and even Mac Wilson has seen time. it’s leaving us all confused on who is really ‘the man’ this year.

3. Alabama has ‘space issues’.

Okay, let’s say Alabama score 50+ points on the rest of its opponents, Saban gets his act together on his QB and they win another National Championship. Where exactly are they going to put it?

All these trophies are becoming a problem. Even the Bryant Museum made a joke about this in one of their commercials. But, here’s a newsflash: That commercial was made in 2012. A lot of time has passed and a lot of trophies have arrived since then. Where are they all now?

Speaking of space, Alabama has a problem on the Walk of Champions. That recent 2017 Championship has been placed right up against the stairway to Gate 1. In addition, when Nick Saban leaves, how is his successor supposed to win a championship without an area to honor said coach? We hope this will be fixed with the $600 million dollar “Crimson Standard” program corrects this.

4. Stadium improvements don’t include massive cooling fans

Let’s face it: September games are simply too hot to stay for four quarters. Either we are going to have to start scheduling all September games at 6pm (which is unreasonable) or we are going to need to install massive cooling fans in all areas of the stadium with a constant mist spray. It’s disappointing that Alabama will spend $600 million dollar on improvements to the stadium and NOT install cooling fans. Such a failure.

Or, better yet, install a roof make Bryant-Denny Stadium into Bryant-Denny Dome. After all, Alabama has had massive success in dome games recently. Why should we not provide that level of success every week?

5. The “Bama ain’t played nobody, Pawwwwwwl!” mentality

Alabama comes onto a football field, takes care of business, and then walks out. That’s how the process works. Each and every week, however, we hear the cries on The Paul Finebaum Show and many others complaining about the quality of the opponents.

We’re actually going to send this message to the entire SEC: Just do better. Alabama is looking bad because, after Alabama beats up on your team, they seem to play like they never played football and suddenly, to put it simply, suck. That brings all the haters out to rag on Alabama’s schedule as if it’s suddenly a terrible one because others aren’t picking up the slack.

Well, we tried our best. Hope that helps, Coach Saban.