Summer Doldrums Awards for SEC Football Coaches

Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports
Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports /

Will September ever get here? It will, but it feels a long way off until we have SEC football again. College football fans are looking forward to week zero when a late August Saturday proves some bad football is much better than no football at all.

While we wait, diversions help to survive the doldrums. As a tonic to withstand the interval, a sense of humor helps. In that vein, what follows are very much tongue-in-cheek awards for all 14 SEC Football, Head Coaches.

SEC Football Summer Doldrums Awards

  • Sitting on the Mountaintop Award – Nick Saban and Kirby Smart

The SEC’s Big Dogs can’t be left out. Though not equal both have earned their high perch, gazing down with a mixture of disdain and disinterest on the rest of the SEC.

  • No More Dancing with Recruit Videos Award -Brian Kelly

Now that Kelly can boast about beating Nick Saban, he no longer has to act the fool in recruiting videos.

  • Self Promotion Award – Josh Heupel

With proclamations of a 2023 Playoff berth, Heupel and his Vols are not taking a backseat to any opposing coach or team.

  • Best of the Also-Rans Award – Lane Kiffin and Mark Stoops

‘Also-rans’ describes the teams, not the coaches. Using drastically different approaches, the two coaches regularly have their teams exceeding the history of their programs.

  • Why am I coaching SEC Football Award – Sam Pittman, Eli Drinkwitz, Billy Napier and Zach Arnett

In any setting other than coaching an SEC football team, these four guys would excel. They are four good coaches in a league so darn hard, good is not itself. Maybe all will one day prosper in the SEC, but more likely an occasional upset is the ceiling. Possibly, in time Zach Arnett will exceed such expectations.

  • If I had the Players Award – Clark Lea

The perennial status of Vanderbilt football leads to few awards for Vandy coaches. Clark Lea is a coach that deserves more. He particularly deserves more SEC-quality players and if he could get them, the Dores would have more success. To his credit, he does not acknowledge any roster weakness.

  • How do you win when everybody cheats Award – Hugh Freeze

When there are no rules, no advantage is gained by rule-breaking. The Reverend is left to conjure up some other deceit. Also, mark down Freeze as the first SEC football coach to start whining during the 2023 season.

  • Not Afraid of Georgia Award – Shane Beamer

Shane Beamer should fear the Georgia Bulldogs but after running roughshod over Tennessee last November and also beating Clemson, Beamer fears no SEC football team.

  • Least Bang for the Buck Award – Jimbo Fisher

Never before in college football has more been spent for less than during Jimbo Fisher’s time in College Station. In what will be six A&M seasons, every year is predicted as ‘the’ one the Aggies will break away from being only above-average. Instead, Fisher’s A&M teams have lost an average of more than four games each season. At some point, deep-pocket Aggies’ boosters will bite a big buyout bullet.

Next. Nick Saban making recruiting moves. dark

Disclaimer: There are some good guys in the SEC football group of head coaches. They are not hard to root for, except against the Crimson Tide. But as Alabama football fans know well, there are exceptions.