Back in 2019, then Washington State head coach Mike Leach was asked which PAC-12 mascot would win in a fight of actual mascots. Not the guys in costumes, but the real-life versions that they represent. He gave a detailed response that only Leach could.
In honor of that, we're going to do the same thing, but with SEC mascots.
From gigantic elephants to covered wagons, let's power rank the mascots by their ability to survive and thrive in an all-out battle royal.
Which real-life SEC mascots are best equipped to win in a fight?
16. South Carolina's Gamecock
Gamecocks are mean and have been specifically bred to fight over the years, but it's still just a chicken trying to survive in the land of elephants, tigers, and wild hogs.
15/14: Georgia and Mississippi State's Bulldog
Who doesn't love a cute little bulldog? They make for a fine mascot, even if they're ugly. But this is just not their event.
13. Texas A&M's Aggie
Whether you consider Texas A&M's mascot a military cadet or you go with the collie, this is the right ranking. A dog isn't doing much damage here, and neither is an untrained and unarmed cadet. Particularly the weird ones in College Station.
12. Vanderbilt's Commodore
Put this battle on the sea and give the Commodore his ship, and we have a clear favorite. He would be the most dangerous of all. But this is a land battle, and with no weapons, he would be overmatched against the strength of the rest of the field.
11. Ole Miss' Rebel
Again, with no weapons, this is just a dude.
10. Kentucky's Wildcat
A wildcat can be fast and furious, but in the end is quite a bit oversized against a large chunk of the field.
9. Tennessee's Volunteer
A seasoned frontiersman who would probably have the advantage over a smaller mascot like the wildcat, but unlikely to do too much damage without the use of its weapons.
8. Oklahoma's Sooner
Oklahoma's "dude" mascot gets a bit of an advantage over the others because they're technically a seasoned frontiersman who knows the land well, which could tip the scales in their favor a bit. The Sooner might pull a surprise upset or two, especially with the use of his wagon.
7. Florida's Gator
If this were a battle in the water, a gator would be tough to beat. But on land, size is going to matter significantly, and the gator is going to lose that battle against a lot of its competitors. I take the gator in a 1-on-1 battle against most humans, but the Sooner and Volunteer would have a chance at springing the upset and roasting it over a fire.
6. Arkansas' Razorback
Size matters, but a wild hog brings a lot of bang for its buck. They are fast, fierce, and mean, with sharp tusks.
5. Texas' Longhorn
The sheer size of a Longhorn, typically weighing around a ton, would make it tough to deal with in a fight, especially when it's angry. Give the humans in the fight a weapon or two, however, and everyone is dining on steak.
4/3/2. Auburn, Missouri, and LSU's Tigers
A three-way tie for second place: Auburn, Missouri, and LSU are all tigers. Tigers are intimidating predators, but they might knock each other out quickly and allow for a wildcard to sneak into the finals.
1. Alabama's Elephant
If you want the literal interpretation of a Crimson Tide, Alabama still wins this handily. Good luck fighting against the ocean!
To make it fairer, however, we'll use the elephant, which still reigns supreme in this battle royal. A fully grown elephant is going to weigh 10,000+ pounds, and while a tiger could certainly get the better of one under the right circumstances, the elephant would still be the betting favorite here.
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