Alabama vs Ole Miss: Unofficial and Non-Scientific Reasons The Tide Wins


Gather around Alabama fans. Let’s discuss Alabama vs Ole Miss. This isn’t LSU, Auburn, or even the Tennessee teams from a few years ago. This is The Ole Mississippi University Rebellious Blackbear Admirals of Something. You will understand that shortly. Ole Miss has beaten us only four times without a Manning under center dating back to 1894 and there won’t be one walking through that door to play on Saturday. Use this as perspective. If Alabama would have made it the BCS Title game last year, we would have equaled their four wins with four national titles.

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All we have heard about this week is about College Gameday being on campus. No, I mean all week. Constantly. I’ve actually tried to discuss football with them and they responded with something about Gameday. It’s a shame that we don’t have any experience playing on the big stage at all. That last sentence is in sarcasm font. This is pretty simple. Ole Miss is coming to party and to have a grand ole time in The Grove. Alabama is there on business.

They also do Gatorade baths and they do them during the regular season before the season is decided. To add to that, they can’t even execute a proper Gatorade bath. That’s not saying that they missed with liquid. They didn’t even dump it. They were running around like chickens with their heads cut off searching for someone. I even have proof.

H/T to for the GIF

The Rebellious Blackbear Admirals of Something also don’t do chairs too well. They obliterate perfectly fine plastic seats with their massive Mississippi girth and they turn them to good choices to melt down into something else. Don’t believe me? Here is some more proof.

H/T @cjzero on Twitter for the GIF

We move on to the Ghost of Trent Richardson. It’s true that he is gone from the sidelines as a Tide player but Richardson left his spirit at Vaught-Hemingway High School Stadium. When the running backs for the Tide need a little help or possibly a juke move to leave someone on the ground with them putting on their shoes, he will be there. His spirit resides there today and there is no doubt in my mind.

Last but certainly not least is quarterback Bro Ballace. According to the below video, he is majoring in sticks and mud. His release isn’t all that impressive and to me, it seems that Ballace stares down a receiver to the left and will throw to the right in what I like to call the standing flamingo stance.

In just a few hours, some will watch the game from the comfort of a home or a bar. Others will be in The Grove enjoying a lunch of Wal-Mart chicken fingers, potato salad, and macaroni and cheese from a disposable container from the same store. No matter where you are, cheer on the Tide and give them some support. Yell a Roll Tide when you feel like it and add in a Hobby Lobby as well! Beat Ole Miss!

Factor in all these details with my highly sophisticated Gumpin 22ZDR computer, I will make a prediction. I think Ole Miss gets theirs but I think we get more. Blake Sims can avoid the pressure from their defensive front because the Ghost of Trent Richardson will aid him. Same thing with the running backs and wide receivers. The big boys in the trenches will start to get tired and frustrated after breaking so many chairs and having to get up so many times. Bro Ballace: The video speaks for itself.

Final Score Prediction as predicted by the Gumpin 22ZDR: