The Very Early Preseason Bottom 25

14 Virginia

Last year we all jumped on the Virginia bandwagon when they almost beat UCLA. It turns out that we just all way overestimated how good UCLA was. Virginia is for lovers… but not of football.

13 Kentucky

I feel like football season is just pouring salt in Kentucky’s wound after the way they lost in the NCAA Basketball Tournament. To me making Kentucky play football feels like that thing when someone acts like they are going to throw the ball for a dog, but then doesn’t. It’s just mean.

12 Washington State

Connor Halliday is gone, it’s going to get worse. Mike Leach is just a pirate born 200 years too late… who also doesn’t really know how to act in social situations.

11 Northwestern

I feel like other teams in the B1G finally getting their act together is really bad news for Northwestern. Northwestern can’t even do their patented “beat community colleges in September and trick the world into ranking them” move, they play Stanford first.

10 Pitt

Last year Pitt beat ACC mediocre juggernauts Boston College, Miami, and Virginia Tech, but you can’t expect that kind of wild 4-4 in conference success every year.

9 Illinois

I really had high hopes for the Illini last year, and even though I expect them to be pretty bad this year they might still get enough wins to make a bowl game. They could be this year’s Iowa! Lose to a couple of bad teams, but have a weak enough schedule that you beat enough really bad teams to make a bowl. (EDITOR’S NOTE: you must always use a Henry Blake GIF when talking about the Illini. If you don’t understand this reference then watch some M*A*S*H and get some culture in your small life for a change.)

8 Indiana

Last year Indiana hung their hat on beating Mizzou. Beating Mizzou might not seem very impressive to most of us, but if you live in Indiana you have to get joy wherever you can find it.

7 Iowa State

This year Iowa State has a goal of not losing to an FCS team!

6 Purdue

Choo choo!

5 Vanderbilt

4 Wake Forest

Wake Forest isn’t the worst team in the ACC… that’s something right? Or as it says in the ACC media guide…

3 Syracuse

The worst team in the ACC… one of the oompa loompas has to be the shortest.

2 Kansas

Hey remember when Kansas was beating TCU? That would have been Michigan vs. App State level funny.

1 Colorado

Things are bad at Colorado.

There you have it, our first bottom 25 of 2015. We will be back with one more preseason edition as the season gets closer, then you can look for your official bottom 25 on Monday mornings.

Alabama, with the nation’s toughest schedule only gets two of these piles of derp, LSU and Texas A&M. Bless their hearts.

Pissed I ranked your team? Let me know in the comments, you might totally change my mind and make me sad.