The SEC Tinder Game
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Gus Malzhan – The jar of mayonnaise of the SEC
Turn-Ons: sensible shoes, green beans, saving every ounce of personality for my offense
Turn-Offs: sleeves, being spread on a sandwich
Body Type: I take on the shape of whatever container I’m poured in.
Eyes: obscured by the contacts I wear under my glasses
About Gus:
I’m Gus and I’m a sensible upstanding fellow. Some people may say that I’m boring, but I say swimming in your t-shirt can protect you from harmful UV rays. By being the most vanilla man on the planet I save all my creative energy for my offense.
What Are You Looking For In A Partner?
Someone who knows anything about defense and who can take the fall for me if I go 4-4 in the SEC again.
What Do People Notice First About You?
Probably that I’m low fat and that I’m made mostly of eggs.
Favorite Band: Creed
Favorite Movie: Jupiter Ascending
Religion:
Sexual Preference: asexual
A Random Fact About You: I’m an exceptional Scrabble player.
If You Could Be Any Animal What Would It Be? A cow
If You Didn’t Do What You Do Now, What Would You Do? I’d probably be a driving instructor.
3 Things You Can’t Live Without: lettuce, bacon, tomatoes