The SEC Tinder Game

9 of 47

Derek Mason – The guy at the party that nobody knows of the SEC

Turn-Ons: Hangin out, stuff

Turn-Offs: Poorly thought out slogans, beating temple, being “the commodores” in a land-locked state

Body Type: whatever you call having shoulders that are as wide as you are tall

Eyes: full of regret for taking this job

About Derek:

Hi I’m Derek, Steve asked me to come to this party but I don’t really know anyone here. Have you seen Steve? Do you know who Steve is?

What Are You Looking For In A Partner?

Look I’m just trying to find Steve because he invited me to this SEC party and said he was going to introduce me to some girls. If you see Steve will you please tell him Derek is looking for him.

What Do People Notice First About You?

That I’m standing around by myself pretending to text.

Favorite Band: They’re a local band from Arizona, you probably don’t know them, I just moved here.

Favorite Movie: Well I’ve been going to the movies by myself a lot lately, I’m sure I’ll get in a friend group soon.

Religion: I tried visiting that Auburn church, but I’m not joining a cult just to meet people.

Sexual Preference: Whoa, we just met.

A Random Fact About You: All my friends back home love my sense of humor, I’m a such a fun guy, once you get to know me.

If You Could Be Any Animal What Would It Be? Platypus, it’s a solitary creature that was little known for many years.

If You Didn’t Do What You Do Now, What Would You Do? I’d probably be back in Arizona with the people how care about me.

3 Things You Can’t Live Without: my phone to fake text, a drink, AND STEVE. SERIOUSLY STEVE, ANSWER YOUR TEXTS DAMMIT.

Are you going to bring some companionship into Derek Mason’s life or is he doomed to be alone?