An Open Letter To Fans Who Write Open Letters

Jan 17, 2016; Charlotte, NC, USA; Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton (1) reacts during the fourth quarter against the Seattle Seahawks in a NFC Divisional round playoff game at Bank of America Stadium. Mandatory Credit: John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports
Jan 17, 2016; Charlotte, NC, USA; Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton (1) reacts during the fourth quarter against the Seattle Seahawks in a NFC Divisional round playoff game at Bank of America Stadium. Mandatory Credit: John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports /
facebooktwitterreddit

Cam Newton has gotten yet another open letter, so I decided to write an open letter to the fans who keep writing open letters.

ICYMI: The best Nick Saban rants of 2015.

Dear Fans Who Write Open Letters,

Stop, just stop it.  I know you think your open letter is going to change the world of sports, but it’s not, so stop it.

I understand that you are mad about that thing that that coach/player did in that sport, but writing an angry open letter full of bitterness and butthurt isn’t going to change the situation.

Is this about “class”? Oh, did you want to talk about “class”? You know who loves talking about “class”? The team that lost.

I know you had a lot of self-worth riding on this game in that sport played by your favorite team/player, but it doesn’t really matter; in the end it is actually just a game.  You know who cares about the championship/big game/playoff after the start of the next season? No one, not one damn person really cares who won what last year.  At most this tragic loss by your favorite player/team will last a few months before literally no one cares anymore.

Cam Newton seems to get a lot of these angry open letters.  Heck, the first time Cam got an angry open letter I replied to it. Now Cam is getting a new one because he threw a flag… A FLAG THAT WAS THROWN AT HIM FIRST! (Ok, maybe not “thrown” but certainly dangled in his face!) If the actions of Cam Newton truly affect your life that deeply then perhaps you shouldn’t watch as much Cam Newton? It’s not Cam Newton’s job to make you happy all the time, it’s his job to play football; he’s quite good at it.

While we are talking about it let’s go ahead and stop with the internet petitions, the tweeting at players, and non-stop whining on twitter about how unfair it is that your team got left out of a playoff.  (That last one is for you, Buckeyes.) The playoff committee/SEC/NFL/player isn’t going to see your tweet and then go “DAMN I THOUGHT THIS ONE THING, BUT THEN A STRANGER ON THE INTERNET SAID SOMETHING IN 140 CHARACTERS AND EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED!” No ref, conference, league, or committee is going to see your tweet and then reverse their decision.

Martin Luther King used the open letter format for his powerful “Letter from a Birmingham Jail”.  You are using the open letter format to complain about a flag being thrown by a player who once again HAD THE FLAG THROWN AT HIM.

One of your fans threw a flag at Newton, what did you expect him to do fold it neatly into a trifold and then give it an honorable burial at sea?  Why not be mad at the asshat fan of yours who tosses flags at players?

I get it, you’re on social media and you’re upset and you want to let the world/your 12 followers know.  There’s really nothing wrong with that, just know that if you are an oversensitive doofus people like me are going to make fun of you.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you should keep writing open letters… after all, they have created a lot of good content for me to write about.

You keep doing you, Mr. “I’m so mad I’m going to write an open letter on the internet” sports fan!

Love,

Bandit

Next: The Best Hits of 2015

What do you think of fan open letters? Let us know in the comments below.