Alabama To Allow Only Ugly Bags In Bryant-Denny

The Unversity of Alabama has a new policy regarding bags. If yours isn’t ugly and so small that it’s pointless, you can’t bring it in Bryant-Denny Stadium anymore.

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The University of Alabama released a statement today regarding new stipulations on the types of bags fans can bring into Bryant-Denny Stadium on game days.

According to the press release, bags must now be clear plastic or PVC, and must be no larger than twelve inches by 6 inches.  In other words, they have to be ugly as sin or you’re not getting it in.

Patrons will no longer be allowed to bring any purses larger than a small clutch, coolers, briefcases, backpacks, fanny packs, cinch bags, luggage, computer bags, camera bags, binocular cases, diaper bags, or seat cushions with zipper pockets or compartments into Bryant-Denny.

I don’t know about you, but I’m actually thrilled that Alabama is finally banning fanny packs. Those things needed to be outlawed from all of society years ago. Don’t try to argue their convenience, either. If you’re wearing one, you look like a dodo. End of discussion.

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I’m not sure what I’ll do about my luggage, though. I had planned to sneak into a skybox and just sleep there for a few days.  Those couches look pretty dang comfortable. And who wouldn’t want to wake up to a view of Bryant-Denny’s field?

Parents taking small children to the game will need to plan on alternative ways to carry in their necessities, or just not bring them at all. The kids, not the stuff. Speaking as the person who always gets stuck sitting in front of the wailing baby, I vote for the latter. (And yes, I’m a parent myself, so I do actually understand the struggle. Let your too-young-to-handle-a-four-hour-game kiddo hang out with a babysitter at home for the day. Everyone will be happier, I promise).

Bags deemed medically necessary will be determined at the gate entrances, so some exceptions can be made. But if you’re a female needing to bring “female things” with you on game day, be prepared to advertise it to everyone around you in your lovely clear coin-purse.

You’ve got about 2 months left to run out and find yourself a super-ugly clear plastic bag to stow your game day supplies.  You’ll need to get more creative about bringing alcohol into the stadium, so maybe invest in a lacy garter or three, or a bra with a teeny tiny pocket.

Of course, you can always just stick your Jack Daniels minis in a Ziplock and hope that no one notices.

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Obviously the commentary is meant to be a joke, but the rules are actually legit. To read more about bringing bags into Bryant-Denny, click HERE for the official statement.