Alabama Football: 5 Totally Legit Reasons Bama Beats UT

Alabama football takes on the Tennessee Vols today. We’ve got some insider information that says the Tide will definitely roll in Knoxville.

The Alabama football team takes on the Tennessee Volunteers today in what is sure to be an exciting game. Everyone has score predictions and possible outcomes, but we have your real sources and information right here. From a Magic 8 Ball’s confirmation to Siri’s agreement, there are plenty of legitimate reasons the Tide beats the Vols today in Knoxville.

Reason 1: The Magic 8 Ball Says So

Everyone loves to ask a Magic 8 Ball questions, no matter how silly or ridiculous. Because I haven’t owned an actual Magic 8 Ball since 1992, I decided to confer with the online version. The website 8-Ball-Magic.com says to ask your questions, and get answers. Yesterday, I followed all the directions perfectly. After concentrating very hard on the Alabama football game, I typed “Will Alabama beat Tennessee in football tomorrow?” Here was the response.

We could probably just stop with this. Obviously Bama is going to win. But let’s continue.

Reason 2: Nick Saban’s Horoscope

Alabama football head coach Nick Saban’s birthday is October 31. That birthdate makes him a Scorpio in the astrological world. We all know that horoscopes are never wrong, so I took the liberty of looking up St. Nick’s prediction for today. Here’s what Tarot.com had to say:

"Although you’re not likely to waste too much energy trying to revitalize your social life today, you’re still ready for substantial growth in your relationship world. The truth is the wild Sun-Uranus opposition suggests this is no time to stick with the status quo. In fact, if you’re forced to play nicely in a boring situation you might just get up and leave. If the current circumstances don’t challenge you now, they won’t change you tomorrow."

There are a couple of clear winners in that horoscope. First, Saban is not likely to waste too much energy. I take that to mean that the team will play very well and he won’t have to work harder than normal. Another point that the horoscope makes is being “forced to play nice in a boring situation”. The only possible explanation for this is that Alabama will get so far ahead that Saban has to play nice just to avoid intentionally running up the score.

Reason 3: The Crystal Ball

AstrologyFutureEye.com has a crystal ball feature that predicts the future. Don’t ask me how I found this. But it’s there, and it’s obviously incredibly accurate.

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When I typed in “Will Alabama football beat the Tennessee Volunteers today?”, the reply was “Yes…definitely!”

Go to the website and give it a try yourself! It gave me true answers to all kinds of questions!

“Will I win the lottery?”

“No.”

“Will I come home to a clean house today?”

“Still no.”

I don’t even have to go home to know that this crystal ball really CAN see into the future.

Reason 4: Ask Siri

I love my Siri. I’ve even changed the voice to an Australian male so it’s even more interesting than before. If you have access to Siri, try asking her/him, “Who will win the football game today, Alabama or Tennessee?”

Siri: “According to my sources, Alabama is favored by 14 points.”

Flip the question and ask, “Will Tennessee beat Alabama today?” and the response is the same.

Siri is always right.

Reason 5: Alabama Is The Better Team

Don’t get me wrong – Tennessee has a good thing going for them right now. If a UT team existed in the last 9 matchups that could beat a Nick Saban coached Alabama football team, this one is it. But it’s just not going to happen.

Alabama’s defense is just too powerful for the Vols’ offense to handle.

On offense, Bama’s running game is strong, as we all know. However, UT’s secondary is weak and their pass-rush abilities aren’t developed, so expect to see the Tide attempt more yards in the air today.

And lastly, Scott Cochran will once again prove why he is the highest paid strength and conditioning coach in college football. Alabama will wear Tennessee down, piece by piece, until the Vols just cannot compete anymore. Bama’s “make their ass quit” mentality will certainly be in effect, as this team desperately wants to extend the winning streak to ten straight years.

Next: Alabama vs Tennessee: Notes, TV/Radio/Livestream Info

Hang out with BamaHammer today on Twitter, Facebook, and the website for all of the game day action. Kickoff is set for 2:30pm central time on CBS, with Verne and Gary commentating. It’s sure to be a wild one in Knoxville. Roll Tide!

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