The SEC Tinder Game

8 of 47

Les Miles – The drunk annoying neighbor of the SEC

Real Les Miles quotes in bold.

Turn-Ons: Bermuda, Zoysia, St. Augustine, Crab, Rye, Kentucky Blue, team votes, Rolling Rock

Turn-Offs: artificial turf, losing to Nick Saban 4 times in a row, being responsible for your decisions

Body Type: free range

Eyes: serious crazy eyes

About Les:

[hiccup] Yeah, we call that mulling around. Okay guys, come on now. What we’re going to do early in this game is mull around, okay? And later, we’re going call that monkey off our back play. And that’s what I told those kids, damn kids on my lawn… [falls off lawnmower]

What Are You Looking For In A Partner?

[hiccup] I’m the head coach at LSU. I will be the head coach at LSU. I have no interest in talking to anybody else. And that’s how I got her not to check the Ashley Madison list.

What Do People Notice First About You?

[hiccup] Two very quality teams take the field and compete like a son of a bitch for victory. And you know what? It’s not a hammer and a nail relationship. It’s an opportunity for an opponent to be equal, and to raise the level of play in such a fashion that they win. And that’s how this thing works. That in fact you respect the opponent and he’s not the hammer and he’s not the frickin’ nail. OK? He’s the opponent, you understand? So long story long, you’re not getting the hammer I borrowed back.

Favorite Band: CCR baby!


Religion: Do I ready the bible? [hiccup] When I wake up in the morning and I turn that film on, it’s like reading a book and it’s exciting. I don’t read books, but if I read books it would be like reading a book.

Sexual Preference: Chlorophilia

A Random Fact About You: [hiccup] There was a contact between a football player and a cheerleader, male I might add. That male cheerleader clipped me from the side as I was running full speed, or slower than full speed, but generally, in the upper quadrant of speed. And I hit the ground pretty good. Anyway I’ve never been so turned on in my life.

If You Could Be Any Animal What Would It Be? Is Godzilla an animal? I’d be Gozill… NO MOTHRA!

If You Didn’t Do What You Do Now, What Would You Do? I’d probably be President, or like a mailman or something.

3 Things You Can’t Live Without: [hiccup] This is what you should do, let it rest. I’m playing football for LSU. I’m preparing for R-Kansas. I’m preparing for the next game, and the next game after that. [blacks out]

Is Les Miles your secret dream SEC date or will you keep looking?