Alabama’s Linemen Weigh as Much as 17 Normal Men


This week, Ole Miss comes to Tuscaloosa hoping to make history against Alabama. Yes, we know. They won last year. Their fans also tore down a goal post and paraded it through town. Hey, whatever works.

Earlier this week, Blake gave you plenty of reasons to hate Ole Miss, but let’s recap. Ole Miss has never beaten Alabama twice in a row. The Rebels have only taken two of three games over the Tide on two occasions. But Archie Manning isn’t coming out on Saturday to play quarterback and I sincerely hope that Mike Shula isn’t coming anywhere near the Tide this weekend.

The last time Ole Miss won in Tuscaloosa, nobody on the current roster had been born yet. Alabama fans were so dissatisfied at the loss that someone threw a brick through Bill Curry’s window. A lot has changed since then, to say the least.

As I was a few weeks ago, I’m here to talk about linemen. Linemen are big. Linemen are scary. A’Shawn Robinson should probably haunt your nightmares.

Mandatory Credit: Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Alabama’s line hasn’t changed much over the course of the season. The offensive line weighs 1,556 pounds. The defensive line weighs 897 in its base 3-man front, but for the sake of comparison with Ole Miss’s 4-man front we’re going to put Denzel Devall’s hand down and say that the Tide’s defensive line weighs 1,147 pounds.

That’s over 2,700 pounds of linemen, y’all. Those nine men weigh about as much as 17 “average” men. And they probably still have better abs than you. Sorry.

Ole Miss’s offensive line is also huge, weighing in at 1,563 pounds. And they occasionally amuse themselves by putting 300-pound defensive tackle Robert Nkemdiche in the backfield. I’m not going to pretend that isn’t scary.

The defensive line also stacks up pretty well against the Tide’s, weighing a total of 1,115 pounds. Combined, Ole Miss’s linemen weigh just a bit less than Alabama’s, 2,678 pounds.

That’s about half of an adult giraffe. Or 60% of a rhinoceros. Next time you’re at the zoo, think about a baby rhinoceros in a football helmet. That’s not going to scare you at all, right?

The battle in the trenches will be hotly contested and a major key to the game. If Alabama’s quarterback play continues to be shaky, the Tide will only be able to win on the legs of Derrick Henry and Kenyan Drake. If Nkemdiche flattens them before they can get some speed, we’ll be in for a long night.

Expect Ole Miss to use their big defensive line to bring pressure and to load the box, and hope that the QB(s) show enough of a downfield threat to keep them honest and to move the chains. Hope for the best and roll Tide, y’all.

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