Dear Jeremy Pruitt: I Think It Is Time We Break Up

As now former Alabama defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt moves on to his new head coaching position at the University of Tennessee, one of BamaHammer’s contributors is having a hard time letting go.

Dear ~~John~~ Jeremy,

I’m not really sure how to begin this letter, but I feel like we need to talk. I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately.

Way back when our relationship started in 1997, I knew that you would move on at some point. You were young; I was younger. Neither of us really knew what we were doing yet. You left after just that one season to find yourself. I won’t say that it didn’t hurt, but it was expected, so I could handle it.

Then you ended up at my old high school, and my love for you grew more deeply. Even though you didn’t know what asparagus was, I thought you had potential. You showed how great you could be those years as a Buc, and even caught the eye of Father Saban. He took you under his wing and gave you six glorious years of our lives at the Capstone. SIX YEARS, Jeremy! After all of that, you betrayed me yet again. At least at first, it was for the ACC and Florida State. When you went to Georgia, I thought it was time to let you go.

Alabama Defensive Coordinator Jeremy Pruitt in the CFP National Championship presented by AT&T at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on January 8, 2018 in Atlanta, Georgia. Getty Images. /

But then – oh then! You came BACK, Jeremy! You know the old saying, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours”? When you came back to Tuscaloosa for the third time, I just knew it was forever. You stepped in to pick up the pieces when Kirby left me crying on University Boulevard as he made his way to Athens. I thought I’d never love again, but you showed me it was possible.

I loved you, Jeremy Pruitt. Everything about you. I loved the way you smiled on the sidelines; the way you encouraged the players. I loved how you looked in crimson with the script A on your chest, and your bald head glistening under the stadium lights. You brought me happiness and stability, and two of the greatest years of my life.

I truly thought we had a strong relationship, but it’s become clear that it was all a ruse on your part. I don’t even know how to sort through my emotions; knowing that you’ve been cheating on me for the last month has been one of the hardest times of my life. Seeing you post on Twitter “Happy New Year from all of us at Tennessee Football! Go Vols!” on January 1st was a punch in the gut. How could you, Jeremy? How could you?

You say that it was just a media person at UT; just someone using the “Jeremy Pruitt” account. I want to believe you. I want to believe that you’d never betray me like that, especially the day before the first round of the College Football Playoffs. Even if it wasn’t you, it still cuts deeply.

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Now, you’re leaving and moving to Knoxville, of all places. You cut my heart out and threw it on the confetti-covered floor of Mercedes-Benz Stadium, somehow tainting the most glorious comeback win ever to grace college football. I don’t understand. You wore the crimson. You celebrated with us. I bet that National Championship bonus check looks great in your bank account. And now you’re just going to leave me like this.

I feel like you took me and my love for granted. You used me and then just threw me away. When you followed me on Twitter, I thought I was special. Now, I see that I’m as meaningless to you as the other 4, 914 people you follow.

Well, I’m sorry Jeremy. There isn’t much more I can say, other than it’s not me, it’s you. Seeing you in that nasty, pee-pee orange, and the words “Jeremy Pruitt: Head Coach – University of Tennessee Football” just hurts too much, and I can’t do it. It’s time for us to officially break up. I’m going to have to unfollow you. I hope you understand.

Next: No question, Tide-Saban Dynasty is the greatest ever!

I’ll see you the third Saturday in October, and I wish you all the luck in the world. Against the Alabama team you’ll be facing, you’re certainly going to need it.

PS: I hope you step on a Lego.

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